What about defects?

It is obvious that, by their very nature, defects and limitations are  very difficult to overcome.

Therefore, if we constantly confront our children with their flaws and limitations, we are condemning them  to almost continuous failure,  with all the consequences that follow:

• low self-esteem,
• friction with his brothers and with us,
• deterioration of the family environment,
• problems at school and with classmates and friends, etc.

So why do we do it?

Our children’s flaws are obvious… or audible… or in their clothes… or in the furniture…

They  spread out  and settle all around us, leaving hardly any unoccupied space.

• You don’t have to pay much attention to discover them.
• And besides, when we’re minding  our own business , they’re annoying.
• We correct them, even by shouting, and we think we are doing well, that we are educating them.

And what about the qualities?

And yet, we pay no attention whatsoever to qualities.

Am I exaggerating?

• Try making a list, mentally or in writing, of the defects and limitations of one of your children.
• Just think back to the times in the last ten days when you’ve said something like:
• “You’re messy,”
• “You only think about yourself,”
• “You can’t be counted on for anything,”
• “You never listen when I talk to you,”
• “You never tell me what you’re doing, who you’re going out with, or where you’re going.”
• Would you be able to make a  symmetrical list  of the qualities:
• with a proper name
• or at least with a relatively detailed description?

The “but it’s very good” argument doesn’t work for me, because they all are,  by default .

• They come like this  from the factory .