A couple of days ago, I was talking to someone about life in general, about self-knowledge, self-expression, serving others, and other things. This reminded me that some time ago I wrote an article titled “Who Lights Your Path?”, in which I recount the story of my friendship with a friend from my university days. Almost 40 years have passed, and despite the physical distance, our friendship remains strong. That’s why I believe friendship is a two-way street.

In that sense, regardless of whether we are introverted, withdrawn, sociable, extroverted, outgoing, communicative, among other personal characteristics, I believe that we all, without exception, have friends, and these for some reason have decided to be our friends, freely and voluntarily.

In this regard, today I would like to invite each of you to do an exercise that will lead to a personal answer to the title of this article: Why do your friends choose you? And as my psychologist friends say, when they administer certain tests, there are no wrong answers.

So, the exercise is very simple and easy: remember the name of a friend of yours and answer these five questions:

• In what specific place or space did you meet him?
• Under what circumstances did the first conversations between the two take place?
• How often do they talk and what topics do they cover?
• What milestones have marked their friendship?
• Finally, why do you think he chose you as a friend?

I’d also like to share a personal story, trying to answer these questions. I met Manu at school in Chiclayo. I remember he arrived in our classroom in first grade, after the school year had already started, and then we shared eleven years of school together. We have thousands of anecdotes; I could write a book. Then we went our separate ways; he wanted to be a doctor and I wanted to have my own business, so during university we hardly ever saw each other in Lima, except during vacations when we both returned to Chiclayo and met up at the occasional gathering. Our conversations were very relaxed and not at all serious.

However, already in love with Jessica, my wife, I ran into him in Lima at the entrance of the Pacífico movie theater (Miraflores Oval) with the woman who would become his wife. He was already a doctor, and I was a business administrator. Later, we saw each other at gatherings with school friends in Chiclayo and Lima. I think the turning point in our friendship was the summer of 2015, when I was in Chiclayo to sell my father’s house; he had passed away a few years earlier. He joined me for lunch, and we had a heartfelt conversation about life, especially about being, which I’m sure was completely open. From then on, our friendship reached a deeper level. Another important milestone was the COVID-19 pandemic and the numerous virtual meetings we held. This was in addition to him later becoming my family’s volunteer doctor, a friend of Jessica’s, and Mariana’s new uncle (God willing, her future colleague). He even managed to visit us for a couple of days during our stay in Argentina, taking advantage of a conference he had in Buenos Aires.

Now I’ll share with you the answer I’d like Manu to give to the question: Why have you chosen to be my friend?

1. Because of trust.- Although trust itself is subjective and can vary from person to person, you know that I will always be honest in my actions, even though I may make mistakes.
2. For relief.- Without exception, we all have difficulties, crosses and we need someone to listen to us and give us comfort and, why not, see the positive side and add a touch of joy to things.
3. By being available.- That is, being there, in good times and bad, to give advice, congratulate in public and correct in private.
4. Because it makes me happy to have him.

In your case, what final answer do you think your friend would give to the question? Why have they chosen you to be their friend? Now, if for various reasons you are skeptical about friendship, I just want to remind you that Jesus is the friend who never fails.

Regarding the previous paragraph, I would like to share the following.

• “Do not trust someone who has no friends, because someone who has no friends cannot possibly be happy.” Aristotle. 4th century BC
• In conclusion, I encourage you to compare your answers with the friend you chose to do this brief exercise with; rest assured that you will strengthen that fraternal bond and this conversation will be a mutual gift.

Go for it! Go out without fear to meet your other self (your friend)! And don’t forget to row out into the deep and against the current.