C.S. Lewis  reminds us of this  through his own experience, which he recounts in his book “The Four Loves.” In his country, England, it was common to take long walks in the countryside, conversing with friends, and then resting in a pub or tavern around the fire with something to drink.  They enjoyed each other ‘s company and conversation .  They shared many things: debates, thoughts, ideas, longings, literary creations, imagination and dreams—life itself. They held gatherings in lively, welcoming, and cheerful settings around a fireplace.

Then, reflecting, he said that friendship is one of the most precious gifts that life can give you.  

Being friends: an encounter between two people who share something that unites them. Because we are  designed for personal relationships.  Our brains are social, relational, and empathetic .  Looking at others, creating bonds, giving them the opportunity to connect, to converse… makes one feel valued, happy to share that relationship.  

In this sense, in friendship it is important not only to lend a hand, or do a favor to the one we call a friend, but also to give of ourselves:  our time and our person. 

As a dear friend once said,  “a person is a being of contributions” : they need to give to  others to be a complete person. Especially, they need to love: it is their very essence and what will bring them the greatest  fulfillment  as a person. It ‘s about putting their emotions and  heart into  friendship and relationships with others, and experiencing the joy of connecting and helping.   

Friendship  is forged through shared interests, time, and connection ,  and it solidifies through interaction and shared experiences. It thrives on moments spent together, on  lively conversations  that arise between two or three people, where hearts are opened. There is trust, help, understanding, and no judgment. Each person contributes something, and  that affection brings out the best in the other… because they feel valued and  loved.  A friend helps you  grow as a person , raise your sights, broaden your horizons, and glimpse something more transcendent. And to strive to achieve it.

To build that friendship,  we rely on our own personal qualities , such as listening, understanding, a warm gaze, and seeing with our hearts. And  empathy ,  to take ownership of a friend’s situation and try to understand and help them with whatever they need. It’s also good to be humble and  ask for help when necessary.    

And  to discover the potential  and qualities of a friend, those in which they are special and unique! And to help them develop these qualities as the singular being they are. Sometimes these qualities are somewhat hidden, perhaps due to a lack of understanding from those around them… That’s why personal relationships always require calm, patience, motivation, inspiration,  admiration, trust,  and gratitude. 

“When we recognize the dignity of others, we enhance our own – Michelle Maiese

Every  person  is so precious, almost sacred , someone to be approached  with gentleness and admiration, showing trust and , above all, affection . This is the right attitude towards a person.    

To look with  kind, noble, friendly eyes, eyes that know how to discover all the good  they possess, which is always much more than what meets the eye. To forgive limitations, mistakes, forgetfulness, and moods that are more or less appropriate…

It is necessary  to open ourselves to others, to expand the boundaries of our own hearts . To understand each person with their inner struggles. Not everything is easy, nor is everything something that can be shared. Sometimes it’s carried inside… To be kind, to smile, to break the loneliness, to welcome, to give trust and freedom,  to listen beyond words. To help  others discover their full potential,  and what they can become with their effort and talents, if they feel valued, welcomed, and encouraged.  

And always keeping an eye on others… Which will give   life a fuller, more transcendent meaning , and that’s where happiness lies, hidden away. 

Therefore, cultivate the  art of listening with empathy ,  without always offering advice. This can help the other person open up in a moment of difficulty or  suffering . It can instill confidence in their abilities and strength not to succumb to life’s problems or setbacks. In other words, it makes them feel deeply loved. Without airing what is confided in us!    

We all  need  someone to listen and understand us, without judgment. Someone to take responsibility and offer comfort during difficult times. A good friend is  a precious treasure to cherish!

In short, “friendship is unnecessary; it has no survival value. Rather, it is  one of those things that gives survival value,”  as C.S. Lewis points out. Let’s enjoy it, aim high, be optimistic, and discover treasures in others…

Returning to the friends of this Oxford professor, they would gather around the fire with something to drink and good humor. There they would share or read their creations and submit them to each other’s critiques. And not always in a positive tone… and each with their own style. They shared their worlds and helped and rescued each other from so much pain and senselessness of the Great War they had to live through, with the death of friends and loved ones so close… This would become the group of friends known as  the Inklings.

On this subject, in the essay “The Four Loves”, Lewis recounts:

“In a perfect friendship,  that appreciative love is often so great,  it seems to me, and so firmly grounded, that each member of the circle, deep in their heart, feels insignificant in the presence of the others. Sometimes they wonder what their place is among the best. They are fortunate, without any merit of their own, to find themselves in such company; especially  when the whole group is gathered, and  they take the best, the most intelligent, or the funniest qualities from everyone else . “ 

These are the golden sessions: when four or five of us, after a day of hard walking, arrive at our inn, when we have put on our slippers, and our feet are stretched out towards the fire and our glass is within reach, when  the whole world, and something beyond the  world, opens up to our minds as we talk , and nobody has any quarrel or responsibility towards each other, but we are all free and equal, as if we had met only an hour ago, while at the same time  we are enveloped by an affection that has matured  over the years.

Life, natural life, has no  better gift to offer.  Who can say they have deserved it?

Later he will say that he owes much of his life’s happiness to affection.

To conclude, with the beautiful words of  Leo Tolstoy : “ Just as one candle lights another, so thousands of them come to shine;  just as  one heart lights another , and thousands of hearts are illuminated.” Will you join this “chain” of hearts?