This psychiatrist is known for his talks on raising children. One of these talks, titled “Raising Mature Children,” was given to parents in Can Ventosa. According to him, in this lecture he tried to “offer some simple and easy guidelines so that parents can help their children become more mature.”

What does the talk consist of?

I’m talking about three elements: head, heart, and will. Having a well-furnished mind, knowing our strengths and weaknesses. On the other hand, having greater control over our emotions. I think we live in a world that’s too emotional, too sentimental, based on desire, on what I want, what I don’t want, what I like, what I don’t like, so having greater control over our feelings. And then the axis that underpins all of that is willpower. The capacity I have to delay gratification, to face a goal and try to achieve it.

How would you define maturity?

An immature person is someone who prioritizes their feelings over what they believe is right. They prioritize desires, emotions, or cravings over things that are good and necessary. In contrast, a more balanced, mature, and stable person doesn’t experience such a dichotomy. And when a person is well-mannered, they find it easier to do things properly, things that are right. Immature individuals are often characterized by feelings of inferiority, guilt, impulsivity, or emotional dependency.

When you talk about “correct,” do you mean what is convenient for us?

Yes. Is it bad for me to eat this food, to drink so much, or to spend so much time playing video games instead of studying? I think our children today are overstimulated, with so many stimuli that they live in a world of constant entertainment. Having fun isn’t bad, but where’s the other side of the coin?

Is the constant pursuit of quick and easy rewards a sign of immaturity?

Absolutely. Why do people find it so difficult to have a long-term relationship? Because people immediately crave novelty. Some people are in love with the act of falling in love. How can someone be virtuous if you present them with a world of overstimulation where everything is perfect? ​​And I think that’s somewhat the tragedy of modern man.

Is maturity acquired or learned?

There’s a genetic component. But there’s also an educational one, and parents can play a role there. So, as parents, how can we foster those signs of maturity? Well, from the very beginning, almost from the cradle, we can start giving them guidelines: delaying gratification, saying no, teaching them patience, removing stimuli…

You also refer in your talks to the need for people to know themselves.

That saying, “You know yourself best,” I think that’s a big lie. We could almost say that you know yourself least. From the inside, we have a very subjective view. To know ourselves, we need others. We can get to know ourselves well by spending a lot of time with people. In a good school, it’s not so important that they have electronic whiteboards or teach Chinese, as it is that they give kids the tools to know who they are and what they’re good and bad at. Like when they told us what kind of professions we’d be good at based on our abilities. This, of course, goes against this society where they say, “You can achieve anything you want.” That’s a lie. “If you really want something, you’ll get it”—that’s a lie.

Is self-criticism and laughing at oneself important?

Criticism isn’t well-received in this society. These days, everything is mobbing, bullying, or harassment. Being in this world means having to endure criticism from others. A mature person is someone who thanks you when you criticize them. Incidentally, nobody does that, but it’s essential. And besides, you suffer less. A sense of humor helps to defuse situations. However many flaws we may have, they’re all minor. We have to be able to help our children take adverse situations less seriously. Sometimes, as parents, we make those situations worse. We say things like, “This isn’t going to end here; I’m going to talk to the teacher tomorrow and raise hell.” This makes them timid, weak, and completely hypersensitive. A mature person is a resilient person.

Source:  www.diariodeibiza.es