In the previous article, we shared that children don’t exist to fill emotional voids or satisfy parents’ personal needs. So, a crucial question arises:  Why do we have children?

Pope Francis in Amoris Laetitia expresses it with moving clarity:

“He is not an accessory or a solution to a personal concern. He is a human being of immense value and cannot be used for personal gain. Therefore, it doesn’t matter whether this new life will serve you or not, whether it has characteristics you like or not, whether it corresponds or not to your projects and dreams or not.”

His words invite us to a great truth:  the child must be welcomed as he is, not as a personal project, nor as an expectation that must be fulfilled.

The risk of “wanting a child” out of necessity

Imagine this scene: someone says, “I want a soda.” They don’t want the drink itself, but rather what it gives them—pleasure, refreshment, sugar, etc. The same can happen with the desire to have a child:  do we want them as a person or for what we hope they “give us”?

When a child is sought out to fill an emotional void, to fulfill an expectation, or to satisfy a need, we unconsciously turn them into a means, a utility. And then we begin to measure their “value” by how much they match our dreams or expectations.

A child is not “for something.” It is an end in itself.

A child is not meant to make me happy, nor to save my marriage, nor to propel my unfulfilled dreams.
A child is a gift, a present that springs from conjugal love, as the Catechism of the Catholic Church teaches:

“A child is not a right but a gift. The most excellent gift of marriage is the human person.” (CCC 2378)

A child is not a “life project.” It is life.
It is the fruit of the spouses’ love, not a task, a solution, or a tool.

So then… why have children?

Perhaps the best answer is this:  the child isn’t for something, he’s for God.
And his existence only makes sense from a logic of love and self-giving, not utility or expectation.

Spouses don’t decide to have children “for nothing,” but rather they decide to truly love each other, and as a natural fruit of that full love, a child can emerge.  A child appears as a consequence of being truly in love.

Today, I invite you to stop and ask yourself:
🔹 Where does your desire to have a child come from?
🔹 Are you expecting it as a gift… or as a solution?
🔹 Are you loving your partner fully, unconditionally?

If you want to delve deeper into how to experience motherhood, fatherhood, or simply explore your deepest motivations, we are here to help you.

Because it’s not just about having children…
It’s about loving, truly loving, being lovers.