I still remember the afternoon some good friends showed me the materials from their premarital course. I had a folder full of worksheets, group activities, and reading outlines.

The couple left delighted, that’s the truth. But chatting later over coffee, we came to the same conclusion: no matter how well-designed a weekend course is, marriage isn’t something you learn in a classroom. Truly loving each other isn’t something you can improvise at the last minute.

That same warning resonated in the homily delivered by Cardinal Luis Antonio Tagle this Wednesday on behalf of Pope Leo XIV—we pray for his speedy and full recovery—on the occasion of the tenth anniversary of Amoris Laetitia . With a most welcome simplicity, he recalled a certainty as fundamental as it is often overlooked: “Learning to love someone is not something that can be improvised, nor can it be the objective of a pre-marriage course .” And it is true: the most important lessons in life are not taught with a piece of chalk or through pamphlets, but rather sitting at the kitchen table, in the hallways of your home, watching how your parents support each other, look at one another, or accept forgiveness after a slammed door. 

The preparation for committing one’s entire life begins much earlier. As the Pope said, quoting his own exhortation, “In reality, each person is prepared for marriage from birth, and everything a young person experiences in the family should contribute to making them capable of a full and definitive commitment .” There, without great fanfare, the foundation of lasting love is built. 

The home: the first school of the heart

Things happen in a home that no classroom can replace. Daily life—with its moments of weariness, disagreements, and small joys—shapes our sensitivity almost without us realizing it. The homily expressed this with great insight when referring to “domestic charity, concrete, not without moments of fatigue, mistakes, and falls, and at the same time wonderful in its unpredictable everydayness ,” concluding that it is “the first school of affections, the first valuable and irreplaceable learning of the ‘joy of love’ .  “

It is in that intimacy that you learn not to see the person next to you as an obstacle or a means to your own ends. There, patience is cultivated, along with the willingness to yield, and that virtue so often mistreated today: chastity. Far from being a catalog of cold prohibitions, chastity teaches respect: it is the “precious condition for the genuine growth of interpersonal love .” Ultimately, it’s about not manipulating or using the person you love, but rather treating their dignity with care. 

Young people who see their parents taking care of each other when illness strikes, forgiving each other after an argument, or patiently tending to their grandparents when their strength is waning, are receiving an indelible premarital lesson. They understand that love doesn’t depend on a burst of enthusiasm or a fleeting spark, but on a steadfast commitment to fidelity.

The support of the community and the Church

Anyone can see the aversion to strong bonds that we suffer from today. The idea of ​​”forever” makes us dizzy, we’re frightened by the fragility of others, and we tend to shut ourselves off in our own little world. But the solution isn’t lamenting or asking for more paperwork. It lies in giving family back the responsibility that is rightfully theirs.

If families don’t learn to love generously, society and the Church will lack foundations. Leo XIV stated it bluntly: “No union that is precarious or closed to the transmission of life ensures the future of society .” And he concluded: “Without strong families, open to the gift of children, attentive to their education and growth, the world has no future .  “

The family is the lifeblood of any community. From it come trustworthy citizens, true friends, honest workers, and people capable of empathy. We want a just society or a vibrant Church while neglecting our homes, and that’s like demanding fruit while cutting the root.

Back to business as usual

That is why it is so urgent to revitalize family life. The homily encourages us to recover simple customs that the rush of daily life has swept away: blessing the table, resting together, going to Mass on Sunday, or talking for a while at the end of the day. These are small details that make room for God’s grace so that families can reach “together even those places they would never reach on their own .  “

I extend my gratitude to the many fathers and mothers who, in every town and neighborhood, fulfill their vocation “day by day, without fanfare, but with sometimes heroic fidelity .” Through their daily example, they are the true teachers. 

Knowing how to love is a lifelong task. Let us accompany young people with good courses and pastoral support, of course; but above all, let us nurture the well from which we first drink: our homes. If we can make homes true schools of affection, care, and faith once again, we will not only have better marriages tomorrow; we will breathe life back into a society in need of light.