Did anyone hear at a conference I gave—I can’t remember where—that there are three questions that husbands and wives should ask themselves at least once a year? And I’d like to share them with everyone through this medium. They’re quite simple and very important.

First question:  Am I making you happy?

Some might think, “No, I’m not going to ask my wife that anymore, not for anything.” Ask her, ask her. It’s better to do so; they only have 40 or 50 years left to live. Why wait and have her say to you at 85, in the middle of an argument or something, “You never made me happy”?

Since I spend all day talking to married couples, if I told you everything I hear… There’s even a movie from 25 years ago that touches on this topic. It’s interesting. I wouldn’t exactly recommend it as a masterpiece, although it is very beautiful, because of what it teaches. It’s called The Bridges of Madison County.

And what does it teach? Well, it’s the story of a woman’s infidelity, but the husband had probably been unfaithful in his own way, too. He was always silent, bored, dedicated to his work, without any big plans, two teenage children, 20 years old, the four of them eating lunch and dinner in silence. A boring life. Suddenly, someone comes along—if I remember correctly, it says Meryl Streep and Clint Eastwood. Clint Eastwood comes along, this talkative guy, a National Geographic photographer, and he wins her over in three hours. He’s charming, talkative, he’s traveled the world taking photographs, he’s covered a number of important events, and he falls in love. So, this film teaches so many things.

First, if you didn’t get along with a man you dated for two or three years, how can you be the ideal partner for someone who only enters your life for four days? I mean, it’s stupid, it’s adultery, the most absurd thing. I mean, he stirred her heart, her passions, and what had to happen, happened. But second lesson: How can you get married and not be constantly on the move, generating ideas, proposals, projects, entertainment, outings? I’m not talking about multimillionaires. Going on cruise after cruise, owning lots of houses around the world, living here for six months, here for three months… No, no, no. In your own little house and with your own resources, with what you can afford. What are we doing tonight? Let’s go to the movies, let’s go dancing. I know a lot of married couples who take dance classes. And you know, when I lived in Rome, we had them at the school. Every night you’d see people 50 and older with a teacher, dancing. Who learned tango? Who learned cumbia? Who learned? Well, it depends on what you like. Some like going out to dinner, others like watching a movie at home, I don’t know.

So what we see in this film is a man with zero initiative. And at the end of the film, when he’s already in bed, 80 years old, his wife comes to give him his pill; he’s almost dying. And this man says to her: “Fanny, her name was Francesca. Fanny, I know you had your own dreams and your own hopes. Forgive me for not being able to fulfill them.” And he dies.

Instead, ask yourself today: Am I making you happy?

There are three answers: No, yes, or yes, but… If they say no, we have to correct course as soon as possible. A complete change of direction. Let’s go in the other direction. What are we doing wrong? If they say yes, that’s great, but I hope it’s not a yes. Yes, yes. A kind of “don’t worry” because that’s abandonment, that’s letting go. That’s not wanting to address important issues.

On the other hand, if they say, “Yes, you make me happy, but I’d like to go out with you more, I’d like you to come home earlier, I’d like you to pay a little more attention to the children, I’d like more privacy, I’d like us to forgive each other the same day when we fight, not go to bed angry. Yes, you’re making me happy.” Yes, but I think I’d like you to dress up a little more.

Second question:  What else do I have to do to make you happier?

It’s a very nice question. Tell me, what should I do? Are you going to get ahead of me? Tell me how I can make it happen… Nobody can make anyone else happy. I make myself happy. I am happy. Likewise, I accept myself as I am. I seek my own happiness. But obviously, your spouse, your children, your parents complement that. Tell me, what do I have to do to make you happier? And another letter to the Three Wise Men.

Think about it. There are some things you just can’t ask for. I want you to stop smoking. Look, if I only smoke two cigarettes a day, one at breakfast and one at dinner, that’s fine by me. I smoke the whole pack. The whole house smells like cigarettes. Hey, you’re filling your lungs with smoke. No, stop smoking. I want you to stop drinking today. Why? A glass of wine with lunch, a glass of wine with dinner. Why not? But you’re drunk every day, you’ve gotten lost, you’ve already crashed four times, you’ve been kicked out of three places—stop drinking.

So, uh, what can I ask of you? How can I make you happier? What do you want us to implement in our lives?

Third question:  What do I have to stop doing so that you can be happier?

Have you ever considered that sometimes simply stopping doing things is enough to make him or her happier? Like we said, quitting drinking, quitting smoking—well, that’s an exaggeration, that’s dangerous… Stop talking badly about my parents. Look, everything you do is perfect. Everything. It’s just when you talk about my family, stop talking badly about my parents, my brother, your brother-in-law. I know he made a mistake, I know it’s not good for business. Why are you throwing it in my face?

Let me tell you… I remember someone telling me about a band, I don’t know if they still exist, called something like that, right? The singer is Bono. Twenty years ago, he was giving concerts all over the world to benefit children in Africa. And they say that, well, he filled every stadium, but he didn’t know the Mexicans, so he decided to go and perform at the Azteca Stadium, and he filled it, and he started his show like he did everywhere else, with a microphone here, and that’s all… 100,000 people who didn’t even know what was going on. And suddenly he says, “Every time I clap, a child dies in Africa.” Apparently, a Mexican yelled at him, “Well, stop clapping!”

Look, it’s as simple as that. Every time I hit the children, you get hysterical. Well, stop hitting them. You don’t hit children. Every time I come home drunk, you get hysterical. Stop drinking, stop drinking like that. Every time I don’t dress up, or I’m not presentable, etc., it’s a nuisance. Dress properly every time… Stop…

So, first: Am I making you happy? What more do I need to do to make you happier? What do I need to stop doing to make you happier?

We have all been called to happiness. Eternal happiness is guaranteed if we do things right. In heaven, there won’t be bigger or smaller, half-hearted happiness. No, no, no. Whoever has reached heaven is already happy for all eternity. But these first 70, 80, 90, or 15 years we have here, we must be happy. And happiness resides, especially in love.

Share this video with all the married couples you know. Let’s do all the good we can, and may God always bless them.

Let us do all the good we can. May God always bless you.