As we approach the feast of Saint Joseph,  Father’s Day,  I am writing some thoughts to refresh and express gratitude for his qualities and strengths for the good of the family and all of humanity.

The family is such a unique thing that it has two leaders on the same level. To lead a family, the  oldest  and kindest  natural institution in history, we need a father and a mother, closely united, forming a single team.  

Each person brings their own way of being, perceiving reality, leading, relating, and loving…  with unique qualities and skills, distinct from those of the woman , all at the service of the family. And their approaches to raising children are somewhat different, yet  complementary ,  ultimately benefiting them. Children need to see this otherness and  difference,  where each parent is designed for the other, showing affection and unity, and serving as a positive role model in every aspect.

We said in another article that the  mother  likes and is very good at taking care of, creating a trusting and cheerful home environment , attending to everyone’s feelings, and weaving good relationships. 

And  the father,  the “leader” of the family,  is good at pointing the way, setting ideals, and being a  role model. He   popularizes  noble human values  ​​that he tries to embody, so that his children see them in action and look up to them. 

It is in the warm and loving environment of the family that  people grow , thanks to freedom and  affection . Women are particularly good at paying attention to details and showing affection: they are designed to  care for others ,  especially in motherhood. They are welcoming and tend to  protect their children.   

On the other hand, it is more typical of the man, the  father, to provide security, to be a role model who guides and motivates, and to make his children strong for life.

Let’s look at neurobiology and embryonic development…

Each new person who is conceived, thanks to that splendid act of  love from their  parents, already shows differences in the eighth week of  gestation  ,  as happens with other organs.

If it continues its course, it will be a  girl;  if it differentiates, a boy  . And each of the cells in its body is  XX or XY, in addition to the primary sexual characteristics that make up the biological sex: female or male. 

Later, after birth, girls are  very comfortable in the maternal, feminine environment, in the relationship with their mother, with healthy attachment and her care… although they also need the father figure to form their identity.   

However, boys ,  in addition to the maternal figure, who provides them with gentleness, empathy, and tenderness,  need masculine traits to recognize themselves in them.  This is especially true before puberty, around the age of 6 or 7, in order to form their  sexual identity and personality.  

The parents….

Regarding fatherhood, there has been a reaction against past, perhaps overly authoritarian or patriarchal, ways of being, and a rejection of its strength and manliness. Now, ” mother-like” fathers are “in”  —that is, affectionate, empathetic, kind… Which is all well and good, and is one facet of masculinity, but little is said about their specific masculine personality, their  capacity to resist and take action, their authority and embodiment of values  ​​that point the way and provide  security for children and the family. 

Both qualities, gentleness and strength, are inherent in them, as Mariolina Ceriotti points out, and are important and necessary for their children. And authority  isn’t outdated; it’s the way to guide children in their growing development,  autonomy , and freedom.  I discuss this further in my blog post: “Authority and Freedom. “ 

In this sense,  the values ​​embodied by the father , and also the mother, are highly relevant, based on  principles  that, therefore, never go out of style. They are  a guiding light in  daily life. These lived values ​​crystallize into  personal habits and virtues,  which children learn, ennobling and ennobling the human being. The father is for his children that light that illuminates, points the way, and encourages them to act with dignity and  purpose, motivating  and inspiring them with  his living example . 

They are firm  in their goals, yet flexible in how they achieve them.  They  live by these values. They provide  stability,  as well as love and trust. That’s why it’s so good and necessary for them to dedicate  real time to their family,  being present, without “interference” or distractions, building a strong family.

Tratan con delicadeza y cariño atento a su esposa, saben conversar, aprenden a escuchar, a conectar, también con los hijos. Los niños aprenden cómo se trata a las personas, especialmente a las chicas, en ese trato delicado del padre hacia su madre. Y también estimulan la fortaleza en sus hijos con actividades, deporte, encargos, dando autonomía…, ayudando a pensar en “los otros”.

Como señala Tomás Melendo, las personas mejoran y se «pulen» con el trato personal con los demás. Ahí se aprende a querer. Por eso en familia es necesario dedicar tiempo, primero en pareja, y luego a los hijos, tanto la madre como el padre: nos necesitan a ambos. Ahí se «cuece» la formación de la personalidad de cada uno. También la de los padres, que, en ese ayudar a ser… a los hijos, ponen toda su persona, sus talentos, su vida, sus anhelos, en esa misión tan trascendente con ecos de eternidad.

Siguiendo con los padres, varones, ellos lanzan a los hijos, primero jugando, luego dándoles metas y retos, fortaleza y empuje. Y más tarde los conecta con el mundo exterior de la familia: los lanza fuera. Sin su apoyo les sería muy difícil salir, porque la madre tiende a proteger, algo muy valioso al principio de la vida, pero llega un momento en el que tienen que salir del «nido», y vivir su vida. Y para ello deben entrenarse antes, donde si se caen pueden levantarse y volver a intentarlo, aunque nos duela más a los padres…

Es decir, se trata de ir dando autonomía y libertad, la que puedan asumir en ese momento según su madurez y circunstancias, para que aprendan a pensar y actuar por sí mismos. Así también aprenden a ser responsables: la otra cara de la libertad que tanto les gusta.

Y la mujer tiene un papel muy relevante a la hora de admirar y apoyar a su marido, aunque muchas veces no esté totalmente de acuerdo. Algo imposible dadas las diferencias entre los dos, pero, en aras de la unidad en la familia, de hacer equipo, y hacia los hijos, que ven ese referente de unión que les da seguridad y confianza, y cariño del bueno, además de ser su guía y su punto de mira. El padre no es una figura accesoria, sino constituyente de familia. Necesario e imprescindible. Que no nos engañen… Y los hijos lo necesitan, también para su autoestima: no los dejemos “huérfanos” de padre.

En sinergia…

The father  has his own talents, different from the mother’s, but  these differences add up and unite us  because we are reciprocal beings.  Each one is designed for the other, and each one empowers and  enhances the other because they truly love them. And the result is a  growing synergy  between the two, benefiting the family and the children, who feel  immersed in this love that  gives them life and helps them develop and unfold their unique and singular qualities.

It is necessary  to rediscover the value of authentic masculinity,  in union with women. That he feels  valued, admired  , and loved. And that both provide  their children with that otherness, balance, and affection .

As  Marí tells Calvo,  without forgetting the good things from the past, nor the current circumstances of modern life, in which women often work outside the home. But without excluding men, or considering them unqualified, as was done at the end of the last century.

We are both essential, different, and we create  synergy:  in the way  we love and  form a family,  where people grow in the warmth of affection , in the  management of the home and the education of children… etc. And the future of humanity depends on this.  

Ultimately, we parents, with our love and good work, are that  reference point  and  safe harbor  for our children,  to whom they can look and always return, take affection and energy, and go back out into life… with clear ideas and noble goals to fight for.

So close to Saint Joseph  ‘s Day  , we can ask him for help and protection for our families, to nurture the love between partners, seeing ourselves reflected in his, and to educate our children: that we may be their role models and that they may discover the meaning and purpose of their lives.