When we talk about being good lovers, the question inevitably arises:

How is that achieved?

And the answer may be uncomfortable: it is not enough to wish for it.

Being a good lover requires something deeper than intention…

It requires effort, awareness and transformation.

As I share in the introduction to my book, “Free Yourself from the Victim Role… to Be a Good Lover,” this identity has been distorted by internal and external factors. Therefore, today more than ever, it is urgent to rethink our commitment to being authentic lovers.

A revealing moment…

A few years ago, Cata and I were celebrating another anniversary of our marriage, sitting poolside, and we began to talk about the identity of the lover. We had already been accompanying engaged couples and clearly perceived one reality: forming a strong marriage requires more than good intentions.

That’s when our model of the levels of being a good lover was born, a clear guide for each person and couple to recognize their starting point and their path of growth.

The 4 levels of the lover’s path

This model, tested on hundreds of couples, identifies 4 levels of evolution in love:

1. Liquid “love” level

Where what is experienced as love isn’t truly love. The automatic feeling, immediate satisfaction, prevails. But eventually… something is missing.

2. Level of desire to love

Here the restlessness arises: “I want something deeper.” The person begins to search, to question, to open themselves to learning about true love.

3. Level of love in process

With greater clarity and formation, real acts of love are embraced. Here we find challenges, crises, and uncomfortable decisions… but also the first authentic victories of love.

4. Level of the good lover

It’s not perfection, but it is maturity. You enjoy loving. You are capable of surrendering freely and joyfully. Here, love begins to blossom with strength and purpose.

⚠ Important: Progress doesn’t always proceed linearly. Sometimes we regress. The key is to be aware of the process and have support to sustain the journey.

And you, what level are you at?

Do you recognize yourself in any of these levels?

Do you feel it’s time to take the next step on your journey to becoming a lover?

Make your move. Don’t stay at the same level.

Being a good lover isn’t just a destination, it’s a way of life.

A choice that transforms your relationship… and your life.

Do you dare to level up?