Being myself. Doing things with you. Sharing with everyone.

No one is born knowing how to manage themselves. You learn, like you learn to drive: clumsily at first, with a few bumps and bruises, until one day the steering wheel stops scaring you. Freedom isn’t a state that falls upon you. It’s a constant process of rebuilding. It’s won through action, day by day, decision by decision.  We live in the present moment.

We train with what is closest, from the outside in.

First, the environment. That which surrounds me -things-, is there to serve me, not to govern me.

Can you serve me if I don’t know what I want or where I’m going?

We all have a mobile phone, a planner, a job, a house. But if I let them steer the course—the mobile phone interrupting every thought, the planner deciding for me—something has been reversed.

The way I deal with my surroundings reveals me. It makes me visible, for better or for worse.

And here’s an uncomfortable thought: you can’t give what you don’t have. If I’m not “the captain of the ship,” I won’t know the destination. And all the winds will seem favorable.

Self-mastery is not about control: it’s about self-governance.  When we talk about self-governance, we’re not talking about a heavy hand or relentless self-criticism. We’re talking about respectful leadership: accepting myself, loving myself, and from that place of self-improvement.

It’s the “want” and the “can” working together, because I govern myself. Steer the ship of my life means governing my body, my desires, my affections, my character. Directing my will toward what is good and my mind, with humility, toward what is true, about things and people. Without victimhood, without falling into the trap of perfectionism.

The camera lens needs to be changed.

Imagine turning the lens toward yourself. With peace and without fear, you cease to be merely the observer and become the one observed, known, and loved. It empowers you for self-determination.

Being free isn’t about doing whatever I want.  It’s about depending, above all, on oneself and committing to someone or something—a project—by one’s own choice, without it being stolen from me or imposed upon me without my consent.

Responsibility, sooner or later, comes back to you.

For a trip, there’s a plan and a road map. The actual execution comes later.

Do I want to be my best project?

To accomplish something is to bring it to its fullness, to what is proper to it.

And what is my own?  To be someone, not something.

I am not just another object, however useful I may be.

Accepting the truth requires honesty, even if I later choose not to live by it. Because the truth is the boundary of my freedom, and in knowing it, I risk my entire life.

Without truth, coexistence becomes a war of opinions, a constant resentment over wanting to be right about something we haven’t even accepted as it is.

Respecting who you are and acting according to the dignity you possess is the commitment of freedom.

When we take action, a person’s quality isn’t listed on a payslip. It’s an intangible quality inherent in the individual, something they bring to fruition through their effort.

Our actions: with things, tasks and people make us visible; with peers, inferiors and superiors.

Nothing can be demanded yesterday. You can’t expect something when the what, the when, and the how haven’t been clearly explained. You delegate the method, but not the objective. And that method has nuances that must be explained and respected.

Nor should anyone be placed on their level of “incompetence.” Loyalty grows in freedom.

Commitment, like trust, cannot be bought. It belongs to another category: that of a heart in love with the project.

And falling in love is a task for lovers, not for bosses looking for clones.

When you feel that information is being withheld from you—a subtle form of deception—it’s difficult to trust. And it invites you to respond with the same deception.

Being satisfied – a state of being – is not the same as being happy.

We accurately measure job satisfaction. That’s fine. But hunger is satisfied; people seek something bigger, something that shouldn’t be confused with mere productivity.

Six out of ten people wouldn’t recommend their own company to a friend. We could blame only “those at the top.” But if all the responsibility lay with those in charge, the rest of us would just be pawns moved from the outside.

And we are not.

I can give without being asked, improve my work without anyone paying me or thanking me.

It’s a personal decision.  It’s inner freedom.

It’s within anyone’s reach. But those who think for themselves are not easily manipulated or mistreated.

And that, precisely, is where my freedom is renewed.

“We would have to speak to every man.”

In a different language,
we would have to speak to each friend.

with a different voice

…»

Luis Rosales (1910-1992)

Adapted extract from Chapter III, Part 2, “Someone’s Doing,” from the book The Self and Its Metaphors, by Rosa Montenegro.