We live in an age where we argue a lot and talk very little . I’ve witnessed this firsthand among a group of friends. There are also many arguments between couples, which can often lead to tension or even separation.

Social media, WhatsApp groups, and everyday conversations constantly offer us opportunities to express our opinions. And when we encounter someone who thinks differently, we often try to convince them, correct them, or prove them wrong.

But arguing shouldn’t mean confronting each other . Arguing can also be a way to learn.

I don’t have to think like you.

One of the first things we should learn is that a person who thinks differently is not necessarily wrong . We can firmly defend our convictions and, at the same time, respect those who hold different ones.

This requires an attitude that is perhaps lacking today: listening before responding . Listening doesn’t mean agreeing. It means trying to understand what the other person thinks, why they think it, and what arguments they have.

The problem starts when we attack the person

A discussion changes completely when we stop talking about the ideas and start attacking the person holding them. We’re no longer discussing an issue; we’re arguing against a person . And then the labels, the generalizations, the accusations, and finally, the insults appear.

It is possible to say:

“I disagree with you.”

And it’s very different to say:

“You have no idea.”

The first sentence opens a conversation. The second closes it.

You also need to know when to stop.

Learning to argue also means knowing when to stop arguing . Not all conversations have to end with a winner.

Sometimes, after exchanging our arguments, we can simply say:

“We don’t think the same way, but I respect your opinion.”

And to continue being friends, colleagues, or family. That’s not giving up on our convictions. It’s recognizing that relationships with people are worth more than winning an argument .

Learning to argue is learning to live together.

Perhaps we should revisit a very simple idea: We don’t need to think alike to understand each other. We can defend our ideas, question those of others, and maintain our convictions. But we can do so without turning every disagreement into a battle.

Because, ultimately, learning to argue is also learning to listen, to respect, and to live together . And perhaps that is one of the simplest ways to put values ​​into practice.

Arguments between partners.

To avoid making this article too long, I’ve included a link to another one that discusses the couple’s case. At the end, there’s an audio recording I recommend listening to. It addresses the influence of feelings and emotions, something that also occurs in arguments between friends and colleagues.

José Miguel Ponce

See: Learning to argue as a couple