From Genesis to the current pace of life, a profound reflection on why we find it so difficult to find a partner and what God expects of our marital status.

What happens when you turn 40, look around, and the love of your life simply isn’t there? It’s a question that resonates in the minds of thousands of people, and one parishioner posed it directly to the renowned priest Ángel Espinosa de los Monteros:  “Father, is there such a thing as a vocation to single life? What did I do wrong?”

The priest’s response—true to his direct, theological, and not unrealistic style—dismantles some modern myths about civil status and invites us to look at the original design of human existence.

The first “NO” in the Bible

To understand whether singleness is a “calling,” Father Ángel invites us to travel back to the very beginning. Before the Ten Commandments, before “Thou shalt not kill” or “Thou shalt not steal,” God’s first “no” in the history of creation is found in Genesis (2:18):  “It is not good for the man to be alone . “

“We were created for love. The best state for man, so to speak, is with a partner,” the priest states.

Under this theological premise, human beings are designed for communion. Marriage is not only a refuge from loneliness, but a project of mutual sanctification: a place to learn to forgive, to be forgiven, to encourage one another, and to raise a family together.

Jesus didn’t invent celibacy, he invented consecration.

In response to this argument, many might reply:  What about Jesus Christ? He didn’t get married.

Father Ángel clarifies this point with historical and theological insight. In Jesus’ time, the social norm dictated that men married at 18. That Jesus remained single at 33 was neither a coincidence nor due to a lack of suitors. Jesus did not invent celibacy out of disinterest;  He inaugurated the consecrated life .

Celibacy and the priesthood exist because there is a call to dedicate oneself with such intensity to God and neighbor that it becomes incompatible with the responsibilities of a home. “I can’t dedicate myself fully to God if I have a husband, wife, and three children,” he explains practically.

So, if it’s not a calling… why am I still single?

Leaving aside consecrated life, serious health impediments, or extreme circumstances, Father Ángel addresses involuntary singleness in the contemporary world with disarming honesty. If there is no “vocation to singleness” as such, what happens?

Sometimes, the answer is more down-to-earth than we’d like to admit:

• Past wounds:  Bad experiences in childhood or youth that generate distrust towards men or women.
• All-consuming professional success:  Dedicating the best years of your youth to building a hospital, a bank, or a career. “You dedicated yourself so much that, when you realized it, life had passed you by. Who judges you? Who condemns you?”
• Lack of luck or a difficult environment:  We live in a world that the priest defines as “promiscuous”, where relationships have become fluid and superficial, making it difficult to find the ideal person.

Where can you find true love?

For those who long for a life as a couple but feel stuck, Father Ángel concludes with advice that is as logical as it is spiritual:  love is found where goodness is cultivated.

It’s not about shutting yourself away in the parish, but about frequenting environments where people share deep values: church movements, volunteer programs, or solidarity projects. “If you look in seedy nightclubs, bars, or strange places… what are you going to find?” he asks.

The conclusion offers a glimmer of hope to those experiencing frustration with single life:  Everyone is called to love.  Some are called exclusively to God, and others to God through human love. If that love hasn’t arrived yet, all that’s needed is to give yourself time, heal your heart, and look in the right place.