Each person is unique, singular,  irreplaceable, a spark of love, with their own qualities  and strengths, yearning for beauty and meaning, capable of illuminating an entire universe. Created out of love, for something great.

A person does not have “the same” value or dignity as any other, but each one has  an absolute value in himself,  almost infinite, “by the sublime fact of being a person,” notes the great humanist Tomás Melendo. 

Her dignity is so high that,  by herself,  thanks to  her freedom , she can  reach her full potential  as a person.  She is a free being: she has the capacity to be  the protagonist of her own life.  She was created to have dominion over herself and over all creation. Something magnificent to savor and be grateful for.

The person is a mystery, and mystery opens us to the infinite.

And what is unique and specific to a person are their  relationships with other people… which are based on  communication and coexistence.  Especially within the  family:  that natural institution as old as life itself, the origin and source of everything else. 

Furthermore, each person also cultivates relationships in  other spheres:  with friends, colleagues, and so on. All these environments converge and contribute to the harmony and improvement of that individual. What is learned in one can be applied in another, and vice versa, achieving a growing synergy.

Therefore, it’s good to pause and enjoy  the beauty of personal relationships , the skills of understanding and empathy, for these are where  the heart is invested.  Let’s return to  the warmth of hugs , to looking into each other’s eyes and seeing their inner selves, to knowing how to smile even when we’re in pain… to make life pleasant for those around us. 

Because  a person’s humanity and character  reside in their heart, their warm gaze, their kindness and understanding, their empathy and subsequent help. Not in a “superior” mind…

Human beings cannot be understood without considering their capacity to love and be loved. Hence a thought from D. von Hildebrand in his book “The Heart”: “To have  a heart capable of loving, of grieving and being moved , is the most specific characteristic of human nature.” And therein lies  happiness, as it were.

1) Connect with others

How important it is to communicate with others,  something we all long for.  Through  conversation  , we connect, listen, and share what is ours: our inner world, ideas, and feelings… Talking is  creating something alive  between two or more people. Exchanging thoughts, experiences, joys and uncertainties, hopes and dreams, and aspirations that uplift and enrich the heart.

However, not everything should be shared with just anyone. Consider what you have and with whom you will share it. To that end, it always helps to improve the  quality of your own work  so you can give it to those you care about, as well as to appreciate what everyone contributes. Value it and be grateful.

In this sense, it’s important to be mindful of   communication  styles , both verbal and non-verbal , and the places  where conversations take place:  creating conducive environments  where people can talk or express thoughts or aspects they find difficult… Show calmness and interest, look them in the eye, and  listen with your heart.  Consider what topic is important at that moment… Make the other person  feel comfortable, confident, and able to  open up  if they need to.

Therefore, both aspects are necessary: ​​receiving and giving. First,  welcome the other person, listen to them without rushing.  It’s not always necessary to answer and give advice. Perhaps that person simply wants to express themselves and share what’s bothering them. Listen, offer comfort. 

In this way, try to  empathize,  put yourself in their shoes,  understand them.  Also, understand their feelings and difficulties, and somehow “caught” in them… Take responsibility for their moods, worries, or specific needs. And be timely, acting accordingly.

In other words:  learn to listen before speaking,  because so often we prepare our response before the other person has even finished speaking, or we cut them off completely. It’s essential to understand and listen first. Focus your attention on the other person so that you can then speak or share something. This is one of Stephen Covey’s “seven habits,” so important for effective communication.

In family and couples, communication means  sharing  one’s feelings, desires, joys, and needs with others… It’s like transferring  the most intimate content  of what constitutes us as people, especially to the person we love. 

But sometimes it’s difficult, and it’s not easy depending on the circumstances. It can even happen that one person doesn’t want to show their true self, for various reasons, or the other person is tired or preoccupied with something and isn’t receptive. However, no one can truly open up if there isn’t someone else to welcome them. Hence the importance of disconnecting from tasks and inner worries and trying to be welcoming. Listening with generosity and empathy, understanding, receiving their words and initiatives. And at the same time, being humble,  opening your own heart to the person you love.

Living together thrives on  conversation, which creates a warm atmosphere for connecting with others.  Through conversation, we can share intimate thoughts and feelings, engaging in a dialogue of reflection and affection. And these conversations don’t happen on their own; they require intention, attention to others, their needs,  and learning to  communicate what’s in our minds and hearts. This  is especially true within the family—that original and cherished environment where each person is formed and re-formed, at any age. Perhaps the dinner table can be  the ideal place for communication,  if we don’t replace it with screens.

But giving in to  the rush and stress  that seem to have taken hold in our lives doesn’t foster communication or empathy. It leads to superficial interactions, a failure to understand another person’s feelings and desires, a lack of genuine connection, and a complete inability to truly see or pay attention to them. And that’s a shame, because  that tenderness and trust, that empathy  that needs calm,  is what gives strength  to any relationship,  and makes people feel valued, considered, and ultimately,  loved.

In personal relationships,  the small things are always great. And  tenderness,  that art of feeling the human being in their greatness… with their strengths and weaknesses, but authentically human.

Hence the importance of  showing children  that understanding and empathy,  that human warmth,  the heart’s desire to connect with others. It’s something already  predisposed in human nature,  in each person’s biology, even in their genes… which are governed by three basic principles:  communication, cooperation, and creativity.  As I mentioned, this was thoroughly investigated by Joachim Bauer, a German medical geneticist. A person is not a loose “link,” but a free and creative “verse” that finds meaning in relationships with others.

Furthermore, as we will see,  the brain and mind “function” better with affectionate relationships,  especially at a young age. 

For healthy development,  children need lived experiences,  the warmth of a family environment, and a sense of wonder and curiosity when interacting with nature. This is how they learn, accomplish tasks, make their own decisions, and enjoy themselves. And it is through these experiences that  synapses and  basic neural networks are formed and strengthened, networks they will use throughout their lives and upon which new learning will be built. Hence the importance of nurturing these impressionable and fragile years… years in which  the foundations are laid  for that person’s future and for the relationships they will forge with their freedom, empathy, and good character.

Because, as George Orwell tells us, “the important thing is not to stay alive, but to  stay human .”

2) The most human and humanizing act

In her book “In Defense of Conversation,”  Sherry Turkle , a professor at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, points out many brilliant ideas, including: “Face-to-face conversation is the  most human, and most humanizing, act we can perform.”

She says, “When we are  fully present  with another person, we learn to listen. This is how we develop the capacity to  feel empathy;  this is how we experience the joy of being heard, of being understood.”

How essential it is to learn to converse…  To feel heard and valued.  For this, it’s vital to truly listen to what the other person wants to say, to make them feel welcome. To allow for  moments of silence  to reflect on what has been said, to understand, and so they can share their thoughts without being overwhelmed…

Furthermore, when trying to communicate thoughts, one tends to  reflect on them,  to develop the  habit of thinking , which is fundamental for personal development, and for taking the helm of one’s own life.

In contrast, the frequent use of screens prevents us from thinking deeply and calmly, and conversations are increasingly neglected due to the immediacy they demand. These devices so often  steal our attention  and pull it away from our real world. Perhaps we could pause, think before we act, and see what  conversations we need to have  with loved ones. Prioritize, focus on what’s important.

Empathy and sensitivity  are learned from a young age within the family, through glances, smiles  , and interactions with those we love and who love us. It’s where one feels important and  loved,  simply for being who they are.

And that empathy and affection  contribute to the capacity to love,  so essential to human beings. This leads to  happiness,  since, as T. Melendo points out, happiness depends  directly and proportionally on a person’s capacity to love  . Those who truly love are very happy, even if it’s sometimes difficult, but those who only look out for themselves end up frustrated, disillusioned, empty… and generally alone. Staring at screens.

Because, as S. Turkle writes in that book, “In work, love, and friendship, relationships depend on listening to what may  seem boring  but is important to the other person.” It’s about shifting the focus from the self to the other person’s “you”… In this way, “in family conversations, children learn that the most important thing  is not sharing information , but  nurturing the relationship itself.” 

That’s the key: nurture relationships! Genuinely human relationships.

Therefore,  conversation  with family or friends is the primary way to  connect  with loved ones and to raise and educate children. The omnipresence of screens and smartphones scatters the mind, interrupts our own thinking, and hinders any meaningful connection. It can distract us from what is most important: the people close to us, whom we should nurture and show affection to.

Moreover, as I was saying,  our mind  develops and functions optimally with good  personal relationships:  one feels valued and esteemed, secreting  neuroplastic messenger substances  of well-being,  which nourish, strengthen, and invigorate  brain connections, as they promote neuronal plasticity, the basis of personal development and human learning. 

Let’s nurture those relationships, especially within the family, and with our children, who are learning everything from everyday experiences, from the reciprocal love of their parents, which will be their guiding principle. Not from an online manual. Cherish the  time spent  with loved ones.

To be continued…