Everything repeats itself. The exhaustion of the school year. The heat. The suitcases. The laziness, which even makes us doubt whether we really want to embark on a five-hour car journey, even if the destination is the longed-for beach or mountains. Everything. When summer ends, we’ll see the same news stories: post-vacation syndrome and the increase in separations and divorces after the forced cohabitation of the summer – statistics that will be moderated this year due to the economic crisis – etc. We already know this, but they’ll keep telling us about it as if it were something new.

One thing I’ve never seen in September is the increase in complaints from parents about their children’s behavioral problems. It’s a classic in my practice. The root cause is the same as the rise in separations: summer forces us to share much more time, responsibilities, hobbies, and spaces with our families, and it’s easier to see that living together is demanding. For some, more than they’re prepared for.

It’s true that summer is a wonderful opportunity to see what kind of people our children are becoming – largely due to how we are raising them. Are they demanding and never satisfied? Are they skillful, spending their days sculpting in the sand? Are they tireless athletes? Are they lazy, lounging around all day? … What are our children like?

What a wonderful opportunity holidays offer us to deepen our understanding of one another! But to take full advantage of it, we need to prepare. We often arrive at our holidays with the sole (and perfectly understandable and necessary) desire to disconnect, but not just from work. We want to disconnect from the world. We want to sleep, have a beer, take a nap, play a game on the beach, go for a walk in the mountains, have a casual conversation with friends, try to devour a book or two, and little else. Sometimes it seems that the children’s demands interfere with our well-deserved rest. That their crying prevents us from switching off, their seemingly constant fights interfere with our summer goals, and, on top of everything, there’s no getting them to bed!

We think the children haven’t realized that we’re on vacation and that we need to REST!, and that they should leave us in peace for a while!

Well, I’m sorry to disappoint you: your children have indeed found out you’re on vacation – that’s precisely why they won’t leave you alone. They want your attention – by hook or by crook – and rest assured they’ll get it.

My advice, a well-known adage: if you can’t beat them, join them. Accept from day one that your vacation is just work. That, like you, they’ve been waiting months for this moment to arrive so they can get the most out of you. God willing, they’ll bring out all the good you have inside. But if that’s not possible, they’ll bring out the worst in you too.

Take it: “In sickness and in health, for better or for worse, EVERY DAY of my life”—(which from that very moment ceases to be “mine” and becomes “ours,” and with the first birth, “yours”). Perhaps we should ask the ecclesiastical authorities to add “on weekdays and holidays” to the marriage formula.

If you start from a place of acceptance, you’ll be able to see their demands for what they truly are: the clearest expression of their need and desire for your time. They have no real intention of causing trouble. They just want you.

Make plans with them. Think about how you can use these days to encourage them to take on more responsibility. It’s tough, but sacrifice a nap or two to teach them how to play dominoes—in pairs, as it should be!

And when the crying, the fighting, the chaos, drives you crazy and makes you doubt whether this is really what you longed for, think: NO! I didn’t want this! But I love them madly! And remember, it all comes together.

Don’t assume that good family time is only when they’re playing quietly, not bothering you, or when they’re asleep. That’s not “family time.”

And now I come to the true purpose of this  post . When summer is well underway and tiredness begins to take its toll, avoid saying “I can’t wait for school to start!”, even if you have to put tape over your mouth to do so.

That phrase sounds like a knife to a child’s self-esteem. Imagine the opposite: “Mom (or Dad), I can’t wait for you to go back to work!”, or in a few years—remember, time flies—when your children think you’ve lost touch: “I can’t wait to take you back to the nursing home!”

No way! That’s not a decent phrase! Do you think your son doesn’t understand? Your son knows perfectly well that you’re saying, “I’m fed up with you and I can’t wait to get rid of you.”

If you say things like that, don’t come complaining later that your child lacks self-esteem or doesn’t respect you. Your child can’t have the esteem or respect that their parents haven’t given them first.

That unfortunate phrase reflects a whole view of our state of mind regarding family. It’s very sad. Squeeze every last drop out of summer. Exhaust yourself with your spouse and children. Let yourself be consumed. Get the best out of them. They’re longing for it. And you, if you take advantage of it, will too.