In a previous article, I discussed the four levels of being a good lover.

Today, I want us to focus on the first: the Liquidity Level, or what we might call a liquid “Love,” as Zygmunt Bauman, a Polish sociologist who coined the term Liquid Modernity in the 1990s, called it. This term describes a society that, like liquids, flows, moves, and is not fixed in space or time, adapting to the container that holds it. Applied to love, this describes unstable, fragile relationships that are easily influenced by external factors.

In a “liquid love”:

• The values ​​on which the relationship was built change over time.
• The couple is guided by weak references (fashions, trends, influencers).
• Having and doing take precedence over being.

The result: an automatic, unreflective self that reacts to circumstances rather than making conscious decisions. This is a precarious level because the identity of the relationship is exposed to sudden changes, generating constant anxiety, insecurity, and fear.

It’s a level, then, where people act according to what life circumstances and “liquid society” demand of them. People are thus victims of this type of society, in which having and doing take precedence over being… It’s a very precarious level.

Because the person is driven by fluid references, the identity of the relationship will be exposed to sudden and rapid changes. This causes a constant feeling of anxiety and fear.

I like to refer here to the first level of learning proposed by Broadwell:  Unconscious Incompetence. In the case of love, this would be equivalent to the partner not knowing that they don’t know how to love. The relationship developed spontaneously, seeking to satisfy one’s own needs through the other person, and since it feels good, they believe that this is love.

The task, therefore, at this level is to question the current situation. Often, this questioning arises from an experienced crisis, which forces us to react.

If you’re reading these lines, you’re probably not at Level 1 anymore. Because there, it’s not even considered “useful” to invest time in learning about love. You’ve already taken another step. You’re at least at Level 2… and that changes everything.