“We cannot ignore the fact that the number of marriages is currently declining worldwide, both civil marriages and those celebrated by the Church,” Cardinal Kevin Farrell said as he opened the day’s debate.

The cardinal highlighted the concern of many Christian parents today “whose children suffer from loneliness, continue to hesitate to make a lasting commitment, or categorically reject the path that their own parents had joyfully embraced.”

Listen to the stories of couples who live together

Auxiliary Bishop Stephen Eustace Victor Fernandes of Bombay, one of the 26 experts invited to participate in the discussions, was one of the two main speakers at the morning plenary session on October 9.

Bishop Fernandes addressed how the Church can support couples living together without being married. He urged bishops to avoid both indifference and condemnation, emphasizing the importance of listening to young people to understand their experiences and concerns.

According to him, listening “allows us to distinguish between the rejection of marriage and the fear that committed love for life is no longer possible.”

This distinction is particularly important for young people who have experienced family breakdowns, separation, violence, abandonment, or failed relationships, she said. Their reluctance to marry may reflect both emotional wounds and genuine doubts about commitment.

“The first task is to learn their story: Why have they chosen to live together? What do they hope for? What fears or obstacles stand in their way? What positive aspects already exist in their relationship?” said Bishop Fernandes.

“But accompaniment must also involve genuine discernment. The question is not simply: How can we guide this couple toward marriage? It is also: Are these two people truly called to marriage and prepared to enter into a lifelong marriage covenant? Some cohabiting relationships may contain authentic love and important elements of commitment, but still lack the necessary conditions for a mature marriage covenant,” he added.

Educating in the virtues that sustain marriage

Bishop Fernandes also emphasized the importance of educating young people in the virtues that underpin marriage, including fidelity, responsibility, chastity, forgiveness, perseverance, generosity, and openness to life.

As he explained, this training involves teaching young people how to communicate, resolve conflicts, apologize and forgive, while helping them understand that love depends not only on emotion, but also on the repeated decision to seek the good of the other person.

“Instead of presenting Christian morality primarily in terms of prohibitions and obligations, we need to talk about love as a gift, freedom as self-giving, sexuality as the capacity of the person to love and give themselves, fidelity as the foundation of trust and stability, and marriage as a covenant capable of giving meaning to life,” he said.

The testimony of married couples as an example

Archbishop Timothy Costelloe of Perth, Australia, also addressed the issue of cohabitation, stating that many young people no longer understand or accept the traditional Christian connection between sexuality, marriage, and procreation.

He pointed to the influence of social media, entertainment, and online culture, which often emphasize personal fulfillment and autonomy over permanence and sacrifice.

“We are competing with many other approaches to the meaning of marriage,” he said.

“While young couples who live together before marriage may not reach the ideal of Christian marriage, this does not mean that there is nothing good in their relationships: we welcome them in their current situation and accompany them on their journey towards a fuller expression of the Christian ideal,” added Archbishop Costelloe.

Speaking to OSV News after the morning session, Archbishop Costelloe stated that Australia’s highly secular culture continues to make it difficult for the Church to become deeply involved in people’s lives.

He recommended that if local parish communities find ways to make the witness of married couples and families visible and celebrated, the fear of commitment and doubts about permanence that worry many young people could be mitigated to some extent.

“As one married couple explained to me, the most convincing argument in favor of Christian marriage is usually that of a married couple who are living it well,” he said.

To accompany without imposing the marriage model

Among the 11 married couples from around the world invited to share their testimonies with the bishops are Charmaine Bernadette Villegas and Eren Lyle Villegas, from the Philippines, who serve as missionaries in Rome with the Couples for Christ apostolate.

In their work with cohabiting couples, the Villegas say they seek to offer an example of Christian marriage rather than impose their beliefs.

“We don’t want to impose our way of being as a married couple, but simply live as witnesses of what we believe marriage is, hoping that they too will see it as we do,” Eren Lyle Villegas told OSV News.

Charmaine Bernadette Villegas stated that many young people in the Philippines are postponing marriage rather than rejecting it altogether. Some wish to solidify their careers first, while others face economic pressures and believe they need financial stability before getting married.

The couple, who have been married for 16 years and have no children, said they continue to pray for a family while embracing what they describe as a calling to serve as spiritual parents to the youth in their parish and community.

“We’ve been praying since day one, but we’ve always believed that the Lord is faithful. And in His perfect time, He will answer our prayer,” Eren said.

The Church is looking for concrete ways to provide accompaniment

During the meeting, participants worked in 16 international groups to reflect on the current challenges facing marriage and the family. According to Father Giacomo Costa, advisor to the General Secretariat of the Synod, they used the method of “conversation in the spirit,” which seeks to foster listening and dialogue.

Among the topics discussed was the formation of seminarians, especially those who grew up in a digital culture or in blended families. Participants reflected on how these experiences influence their understanding of relationships and how to prepare them to accompany others.

A fundamental question was also raised: how to move from the desire to accompany people to doing so effectively?

“We ask ourselves how we can bridge the gap between the desire to be close and accompany, and the actual ability to do so,” Father Costa noted.

The priest cautioned that accompaniment cannot remain merely an intention. It is necessary to identify who is prepared for this task, what training they need, and how to respond to the different situations that individuals and families experience.

The final days of the meeting will be dedicated, among other topics, to the first years of marriage. The meeting’s conclusions will be compiled in a report scheduled for October 14.