Amidst his daily whirlwind at the Granada Health Technology Park, psychiatrist Luis Gutiérrez Rojas found time to talk about parenting, positive outlooks on life, and also sacrifice. He gave a talk entitled ”  Raising Children with Humor”  at the Pablo Ruiz Picasso Cultural Center in Torremolinos. The conference was organized by the schools of the Attendis Group.

Isn’t humor in parenting sometimes an impossible mission?

A life without effort, without dedication, without commitment or without sacrifice is a life completely wasted.

We live in complicated times; we’re all constantly rushing, hyper-connected, with increasingly demanding jobs, and it seems we have no time for anything. Often, with our children, we want to do everything so well that we lose patience and become irritable. And I believe that motivating someone and bringing about change is always more effective with kindness than by imposing our will and exercising authority. Change must be fostered from an optimistic perspective.

How can you deal with a tantrum, five failing grades, or a serious problem with good humor?

Serious problems never appear out of nowhere; you can see things coming, and it’s important to be aware of them. If we ignore them from the beginning or do little, they accumulate and become a big problem. Sometimes, what happens is that we don’t intervene, that we think things will sort themselves out, but that’s a bit ridiculous because if you don’t act, nothing usually gets resolved. And the way to act with a positive attitude is to take the drama out of things, see what’s happening, and what you can do. And if you don’t have any ideas, you should look for people who can help you.

Is this generation of parents prepared to face the difficulties?

Our parents received a more authoritarian upbringing, and their children submitted to that authority more frequently. Then there was a pendulum swing where parents became friends, colleagues, and confidants. And that’s how our generation’s children are. We don’t have to be our children’s friends. We are their parents, and it’s essential for them to have someone to guide them, to tell them what they can’t do, to correct them, and to discipline them for that behavior. Otherwise, it’s impossible for a person to be good by nature. I see that today’s parents are more involved in emotional connection, more concerned that their children be happy, free, and responsible, but they’re a little lost.

Why are they lost?

Because today’s society is very capitalist, and that has the downside of materialism. So much comfort is problematic. A child who has acquired a thousand things so easily, without having earned them, believes they deserve everything. We have everything, easily and immediately, and then we expect our children to be responsible, patient, generous, and grateful, but that’s not going to happen. For that to happen, we have to make things require effort, make them strive for them, not just get them for free, and ensure that many things are not available to them. A proper upbringing isn’t so much about giving as it is about taking away. It’s very good for children to get used to not having everything, because they won’t have it all in adulthood.

Are there key principles for education that we shouldn’t forget?

One fundamental point is to truly understand our children because they are all different. Second, we need to learn how to help our children be less neurotic. We live in a world where people often play the victim, and they throw tantrums over the most trivial things. We have to be able to not tolerate certain behaviors from the very beginning. And the third point is that we need to be able to have a plan, to know what to do. It’s not just about talking and analyzing, but about taking action.

Should we punish?

In this matter, it’s more about taking things away than adding them. Children have everything they need to live in a perpetual amusement park, so punishments should focus precisely on what they enjoy.

Is the word sacrifice now out of the vocabulary?

Yes, and that’s why we’re in this mess. Sacrifice is fundamental. A life without effort, without dedication, without renunciation and commitment is utterly wasted. Why do we live in such a lonely society, in our own little cave? Because people aren’t willing to commit. Nobody wants to complicate their lives, but that only leads to loneliness.

However, now they are living a superficial happiness…

Of course, it’s all part of Instagram, Facebook, WhatsApp, and the “what a great time I’m having in Cancun” thing. But that’s not reality. There’s nothing more fulfilling than love and doing something for the other person. And we don’t do it. That’s why 50% of marriages break down; we’re not willing to put up with anyone. And that empathy, that change and sacrifice, that’s where we learn it is in the family, from the very beginning.

What are the benefits of taking life with a good sense of humor?

It has many benefits. First and foremost, it helps prevent anxiety and depression. People suffer less, experience less bitterness, and sleep better, which translates into improved physical health. When someone is doing well, it brings more satisfaction to others. But an optimist isn’t some naive, half-witted person who doesn’t understand reality. They are someone with a mature smile who is aware of problems but understands that pessimism and anxiety won’t solve anything.