I just want to be loved: This is the suggestive title of a book by Micaela Menárguez, PhD in Pharmacy, Director of the Master’s in Bioethics at UCAM and professor at the San Pablo CEU University, in which, addressing a young audience especially, she explains that we are made to be happy loving and being loved and that we can stray from this goal if we focus our capacity to love on the pursuit of pleasure.

The author notes from the introduction that  “human sexuality can be a wonderful source of joy”  but  “in recent times it has also become a source of suffering due to the transience of relationships (…) due to romantic breakups (…)  due to infections and illnesses, unnecessary surgeries and obsessions, which damage physical and mental health and due to sexual dysfunctions that occur in women who are too young…”  (p. 12). With this in mind, in this work, the author explains to young people the common and sensible experience of how to build a sexual life that is a source of joy without unnecessary risks.

To this end, it focuses on the role of feelings and how these are not enough to choose the right person to share one’s life with, as it is also necessary to assess the required affinities to a lasting relationship (p. 21); the power of the visual as a sexual stimulus in men and how women do not want predatory males, but rather men who love them and not use them (pp. 26-27); the reasons – perhaps mistaken – why many girls agree to early sexual relations (pp. 30-33); the role of the father in the emotional security of girls (p. 37); the difference between falling in love and love and how premature sex can hinder the process of self-knowledge that helps to build a solid love  (pp. 41 ff.); the risks of condoms and sexually transmitted infections (pp. 49 ff.); the potentially negative effects on women’s health of the regular use of the contraceptive pill (pp. 61 ff.); and the risks of pornography for a healthy and personalized sexuality (pp. 77 et seq.).

After this review, chapters 11 and 12 are devoted to possible sources of error when deciding about our sexuality, to commenting on the motto of the book’s title (I only want to be loved), and to the role of the family in the practical learning of the capacity to love. From chapter 13 onwards, she addresses the usual criticism: these theories are all very well, but they are impossible in practice. This criticism—which the author says she frequently hears from her students after her explanations—  is addressed by Menárguez in the final chapters of the book (pp. 101 ff.) with emotional intelligence and practical wisdom.

The book’s subtitle is very expressive of its content: “Treasures and Traps of Sex and Love”.  One of this book’s merits is that it warns our young people of the mistakes they can make when approaching their sexual lives, influenced by the current cultural climate of trivialization of sexuality ; but at the same time, it offers them a solid framework for organizing their sexuality in the service of a life project of reasonably secure happiness.

I never tire of recommending good books on emotional and sexual education for our young people because I believe it is the great issue of our time. Thankfully, we have increasingly better resources to support this education, and Micaela Menárguez’s book is one of them.

Keys to the book:

• Aimed especially at young people, but also useful for parents and educators, it uses clear, direct, and accessible language.

• It combines practical experience (anecdotes in class) and scientific and bioethical rigor.

1. Sexuality: between “treasure” and “trap”

• Sexuality is a natural source of joy, but it can also become a cause of suffering: fleeting relationships, infections, emotional dysfunctions.

• The desire to be “loved” can lead to confusing affection with sex, and end in loneliness or disappointment.

2. The body “speaks”

• The body has its own language: it expresses total surrender.

• When sexual intercourse is accompanied by real love, respect, and commitment, it can generate true fulfillment.

3. Between infatuation and true love

• Falling in love is intense, but fleeting; lasting love requires will, freedom, and mutual understanding.

• The trivialization of sex can make it difficult to move from desire to committed love.

4. Risks and practical realities

• Pornography: It creates addiction, distorts the vision of others and reduces the capacity to love.

• Contraception: warns about the adverse effects of some methods and offers a comprehensive view of fertility and responsibility.

• ITS: addresses risks clearly, without alarmism, but without naivety.

5. The role of the emotional environment

• Family, and especially the father figure, are key to self-esteem and emotional security, especially for girls.

• Educating children in love from a young age is the best antidote to toxic relationships and disordered effectivity.

6. Is it utopian? No.

• Micaela debunks the idea that these ideals are impossible.

• It offers realistic tools and concrete paths to living a sexuality consistent with the dignity of the person and authentic love.

Overall rating

• A short, agile book, full of real examples and questions that young people have asked in talks or classes.

• It offers in-depth, relatable answers based on solid scientific, emotional, and spiritual foundations.

• Central message : We are made to love and be loved; fulfillment is not achieved through pleasure alone, but through true love and mutual commitment.

• Relevance : Fearlessly addresses current challenges surrounding sex, desire for affection, and relationships, but does so with hope and realism.

Where to buy the book.

Source: Benigno Blanco in Religion in Freedom