After an event that fills us with fear or uncertainty, family can become the place where we feel safe again. How can we support our children after an earthquake or any other tragedy and regain our composure together?

There are events that arrive without warning and remind us, unexpectedly, that we are not in control of everything. A tragedy can leave us with fear, questions, uncertainty, and even a feeling of vulnerability that doesn’t disappear simply because the worst of it has passed.

After the earthquake in Colombia, many families are trying to gradually return to normal. Adults are processing what happened while simultaneously trying to answer their children’s questions and help them feel safe.

But not all families are experiencing the same thing. Some are dealing with fear and uncertainty; others may be facing something far more painful: the loss of a family member, a friend, a neighbor, a teacher or a classmate, or even the loss of their home, their business, and so many things they had built with hard work and effort.

And that’s precisely where family plays a fundamental role. We can’t shield our children from all of life’s difficult moments. But we can be there for them so they know that, even in the midst of fear or pain, they are not alone.

Children also need time to process what happened

Every child reacts differently to a frightening situation. Some ask many questions. Others prefer to remain silent. Some children may want to be constantly near their parents, while others may continue playing as if nothing had happened.

Emotions may also appear later: difficulty sleeping, nightmares, irritability, increased need for company, fear of being alone, or questions that are repeated over and over again.

Not everyone reacts the same way, or at the same time. That’s why, rather than waiting for a specific reaction, we need to observe, listen, and be available.

Sometimes a child may seem quiet during the first few days and express their emotions later. The important thing is that they find a safe space with us to do so.

When there is also a loss

For some families, what happened didn’t end when the earthquake or emergency passed. Now they have to learn to live with the absence of a loved one.

It could be a father, a mother, a grandparent, a sibling, or a friend. But it could also be a classmate, a teacher, a neighbor, or someone with whom the child had a special bond.

Adults may underestimate some of these losses because we don’t understand the depth of the bond. For a child, however, losing a classmate or a friend can be profoundly painful.

In these cases, it’s important to talk about death clearly and in a way that’s appropriate for the child’s age, using words they can understand. Avoid expressions that might confuse them, such as saying that someone “left” or “fell asleep.”

We must also allow them to grieve in their own way. They may cry, ask many questions, feel angry, remain silent, or even want to play soon after receiving the news. There is no single right way to experience grief.

And we don’t need to have the perfect words to accompany it. Sometimes, simply being there, listening, and hugging is already a form of comfort.

Nor should we rush the grieving process. For a family that has lost someone, returning to routine doesn’t necessarily mean going back to the way things were. There is an absence that remains, and the process needs time, understanding, and support.

Talk to them, but in a way that is appropriate for their age.

In the face of tragedy, it’s natural to want to explain everything to children to reassure them. However, children don’t need to receive all the information we know or be constantly exposed to the news.

They need clear, simple, and age-appropriate answers. We can ask them what they know, what they’ve heard, and what worries them. From there, we should only answer what’s necessary, avoiding details that might increase their anxiety.

The important thing is not to have all the answers, but to convey to them that they can come to us when they are afraid or need to talk.

Let’s not minimize their emotions

Sometimes, with the intention of reassuring our children, we may say to them: “It’s over, don’t be afraid,” “It was nothing,” “Relax, don’t think about it.”

But for a child who is scared, their fear is real. We can better support them by first acknowledging what they are feeling: “I understand you’re scared. I was scared too. I’m here with you.”

Validating an emotion doesn’t mean feeding the fear. It means helping the child name what they are feeling and teaching them that they can express it without feeling judged.

And when there is a loss, we can also say: “I know you miss that person. You can talk about them with me whenever you want.”

Talking about the person who died, remembering shared moments, and expressing what we feel can also be part of the grieving process.

Let’s be careful about what they see and hear.

After a tragedy, news, social media, and adult conversations can become a constant source of information.

Children may see images, hear stories, or receive messages that increase their fear, even when the immediate danger has passed.

That’s why it’s important to monitor their exposure to this type of content, especially when they are young.

We must also remember that children hear even if it seems they aren’t paying attention. Adult conversations, phone calls, and images we leave running can influence how they interpret what happened.

Staying informed is important. But being constantly exposed to the news doesn’t always help us or our children feel better.

Let’s gradually return to our routines

After a difficult event, resuming daily routines can be an important source of security.

Going back to sleeping at the usual time, eating together, going to school when appropriate, playing, doing homework, going for walks or sharing a moment as a family can help children feel that little by little life is returning to order.

Getting back into routine doesn’t mean pretending nothing happened. And for those who have lost someone, even less so. It’s about gradually finding a new way to move forward, respecting the time each person needs to process what happened.

Let’s not forget the power of a hug

When we don’t know what to say, often our presence speaks louder than our words:

A hug.

A hand that holds.

Sit next to them.

Listen to them without looking at your phone.

Accompany them to sleep.

Ask them how they feel.

They are simple gestures, but for a child they can mean a great deal.

Your calm, your presence, and your embrace are their refuge.

And this doesn’t mean that parents have to be strong all the time or hide their own emotions.

Our children may see us worried, sad, or even scared. What’s important is that they experience that adults also feel emotions, but that we know how to talk about them, ask for help, and find ways to cope.

Parents also need support

Sometimes we worry so much about taking care of our children that we forget to ask ourselves how we are doing.

We may need to talk, cry, rest, pray, or simply have a moment to process what happened. Taking care of ourselves isn’t selfish. It’s also a way of taking care of our children.

We cannot offer serenity from a place where we are completely overwhelmed. Therefore, if we feel that anxiety, fear, or pain persists and is significantly affecting our daily lives, seeking support is also a good decision.

After a tragedy, let’s return to the essentials

There are moments that remind us, painfully, that life is fragile. And perhaps, without needing to find an explanation for what happened, we can allow that awareness to lead us back to what is essential.

♥️To be more present.

♥️Let’s hug a little more.

♥️To say “I love you” without waiting for a special occasion.

♥️To call those we love.

♥️To forgive.

♥️Thank you.

♥️Let’s sit down together at the table.

♥️To truly listen when someone tells us about their day.

♥️Let’s pray together.

Because the security our children need doesn’t depend on us being able to guarantee that nothing bad will ever happen. That’s not in our hands.

It depends, to a large extent, on knowing that when difficult times arrive, there will be someone by their side to support them, listen to them, and walk with them.

Family is a refuge

Some wounds can’t be healed with words, nor do they disappear after a few days. Some losses will stay with us for a long time. But we don’t have to go through them alone.

We can make our home a place where there is room for fear, for questions, for tears, for grief, and also for hope.

Our children may not remember all the words we said to them after a difficult time. But they may remember our arms, our presence, and the reassurance of knowing they weren’t alone.

When life shakes us up, family can be that place we return to for comfort, companionship and, little by little, hope.