Dating is not a game or a mere passing phase. It’s a prelude to marriage and, as such, must be lived with responsibility, maturity, and clarity. Although I usually speak to married couples, today I want to address parents and young people in particular: How can you distinguish a healthy relationship from a toxic one? What should you know and discuss before thinking about getting married?

Toxic relationship or just wrong?

Not everyone labeled “toxic” is toxic to everyone. Sometimes, a relationship becomes toxic simply because there’s no real compatibility. After all, there are no shared values, goals, or vision of love. It’s important to differentiate between a problematic person and a relationship that, while not destructive, has no future.

Fundamental questions for young people

For young people, especially those aged 17 and over, some questions should be asked:

• What kind of relationship do I want to have?

• What are my values and what do I consider anti-values?

• What is my vision of love? Do I want to get married out of fear of loneliness, or out of a true calling?

• What do I think about marriage? Is it forever?

From the moment you begin dating, it’s important to know each other’s opinions on essential topics such as fidelity, the duration of the marriage, commitment, emotional and moral maturity, and life plans.

The importance of deep dialogue

A healthy relationship requires dialogue. Not just any conversation, but a deep, honest, and open one. There are topics that can’t be left out:

• Differences between men and women

• Sexuality and physical displays of affection

• Vision of marriage: Is it a contract or a sacrament?

• Family economy and work roles

• Responsible motherhood and fatherhood

• Opinions on fundamental moral issues such as abortion or contraception

• The importance of truth and transparency

Honesty is essential. If there are already lies in courtship, what awaits us in marriage?

Love is not just a feeling

Love isn’t just about “I love you as long as it lasts” or “as long as I can put up with you.” That’s a dangerous view. Marriage requires total commitment, fidelity, patience, and perseverance. If this isn’t clear from the beginning, it’s best not to take the next step.

They should also discuss habits, customs, addictions, or behaviors that could affect their lives as a couple: alcohol consumption, smoking, views on raising children, or expectations for family life.

Marriage as a vocation

Just as some are called to the priesthood, others are called to marriage. This implies a life dedicated to one another, with respect for all others, even long-time friends or close relatives. Marriage demands a new unity: “leaving father and mother” to form a new family.

And yes, we must talk about money, studies, and aspirations. It’s not a trivial topic. It’s not about imposing, but about building a vision for life together.

Don’t marry blindly

There’s no such thing as a perfect couple. But there are conscious decisions. Don’t ignore what’s important. Talk. Think. Decide with maturity. Don’t get married just to “see how it goes.” That’s not true love.

Being a boyfriend isn’t just about liking each other and going out together. It’s about preparing for something big. And if you can’t talk freely about these topics, then you’re not ready to take the next step yet.