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Good and Evil: Forming Conscience
How to help children distinguish between good and evil and act freely and responsibly
It is necessary for children to form their conscience,
learning to
clearly distinguish between good and evil.
Teach to distinguish between good and bad and act accordingly
In our society, children are repeatedly bombarded with a host of slogans and phrases that convey supposed “ideals,” not always in line with an adequate vision of human beings and, therefore, incapable of making them happy.
Especially as they grow up, the solution lies not in implementing a police regime composed of controls and punishments, but in what is commonly known as forming consciences, which is closely linked to the education of freedom.
Freedom must be educated,
not limited or suppressed.
A well-formed conscience
In other words:
- It is very important that children internalize and adopt correct criteria, that they form their conscience, learning to clearly distinguish between good and evil.
- And that they have the willpower and essential virtues to do what is good and avoid what is bad, even if it is annoying or costly, or they have to act against the current with respect to their friends and colleagues.
- Furthermore, they must come to want to do what is good because it is good and to avoid what is bad because it is bad.
It’s important to help our children
recognize what is good and what is bad
and to like or avoid it for the right reasons.
Avoid the bad because it is bad, and want the good because it is good.
In other words: it is not enough for them to learn to distinguish between good and bad and to like the former and avoid the latter.
It is necessary, so to speak, that they want it freely, understanding this expression as I will explain later.
- It would be of little use, for example, if they obeyed our instructions, treated their brothers well, or refrained from lying, driven only by an external impulse, such as, for example, because we repeat it to them and while we are present.
- And even less so if they stopped doing so when there is no order from us to do so or, worse still, when—having made it very clear how they should behave—we leave the house, and we are not watching them.
- The reason why they desire what is good or avoid what is bad is the key to determining to what extent they can be considered formed and mature, or, in other words, to what extent they have properly developed their freedom.
- Little by little they must learn to:
Avoid everything bad for the sake of being bad (that’s the first step, but not the most important).
Wanting and doing what is good, precisely because it is good (which is the affirmative key to authentic morality).
Let them act based on their own judgment,
not on an impulse or threat from outside.
Avoiding bad things for the sake of being bad
For example:
- They should know that fighting with each other, harming a brother, speaking contemptuously to one another, ridiculing someone, lying to avoid punishment, taking money from another person, or making fun of them are all evil actions.
- In addition, they must know why each of these acts is bad and should not be performed.
- Finally, they have to be able to ignore it because it’s bad, regardless of whether we’re there or not, or even whether anyone will notice.
Teach them to avoid bad things
for the sole and radical reason that “it” is bad.
Wanting and doing good for the sake of being good
And the same goes for good deeds, such as helping those around you, listening to those who are speaking, treating your grandparents and other members of your family or domestic staff with consideration, etc.
- They need to know that they are okay and why each of those actions is good.
- And they must be able to do it for the “simple and sublime” reason that it is good, and not because of the consequences that would follow if someone knew about it.
Teach them to love and do good
for the sake of it.
The appeal of goodness and the joy of a life well lived
All the emphasis on the good
In practice, to teach them to act correctly, it is not enough for us to tell them: “This is not right!” or, even less so, “I don’t like this !”
- There is a risk of transforming morality into a set of absurd, senseless, arbitrary and unfounded prohibitions.
On the contrary, it is very important to “educate positively”, as I already suggested, putting all the emphasis on the good.
- In other words, and as I will explain later, it is about making them see and love the beauty and humanity of joyful and serene virtue, unconstrained and uninhibited.
Little by little, we must get
our children to appreciate and love
the beauty of joyful and serene virtue,
easy-going and unashamed.
The great adventure of doing good
We must gradually help our children perceive that living well is much more attractive and enjoyable than acting badly, doing whatever they want; and we must achieve this even when a superficial view, often amplified by today’s prevailing culture, initially leads one to think otherwise.
And, beforehand, we must be convinced of what we intend to convey to them.
To achieve this, you must strive to live your life, with all its joys and setbacks, as an exciting adventure worth composing every day.
In this way, by discovering the beauty and wonder of doing good, the child will be attracted and stimulated to act appropriately: to love, desire and do what is good, and to reject what is evil.
It is essential that our children perceive
the beauty and wonder of doing good.
Transmit the beauty of what is good
Instruct by delighting
In Le crime de Sylvestre Bonnard, Anatole France wrote:
- “One only learns by delighting.”
And he explained immediately:
- «The art of teaching is nothing but the art of awakening the curiosity of young minds in order to satisfy it immediately; curiosity is alive only in happy souls.
- Knowledge that is forced into the mind occludes and suffocates it.
- To digest knowledge, it is necessary to have swallowed it with appetite.
“To digest knowledge,
it is necessary to have swallowed it with appetite.”
Why we do what we do
Furthermore, it’s important to help our children understand how decisive intention is in determining whether an action is good or bad, and to help them question the reasons for a certain behavior.
Based on their answers, when it comes to an evil action, they will be helped to see the possible injustice, envy, pride, etc., that motivated it.
Intention is decisive
in determining whether an act is good or bad.
The good as the ultimate and definitive criterion
The sense of sin and the “guilt complex”
The so-called guilt complex, that is, the dark and anguishing feeling of having made a mistake, accompanied by fear or shame, arises precisely from the lack of a courageous and calm examination of the moral quality of our actions and the subsequent request for forgiveness.
- On the contrary, as even the most competent psychiatrists show, the sense of sin and the repentance that results from it are necessary and healthy.
- The clear perception of our own concessions and shortcomings, with which we have turned our backs on God, provokes a remorse that activates and multiplies our strength to seek again the love that forgives.
Even psychologically,
it is very helpful for our children to recognize
that they sometimes act badly,
more or less consciously.
A God who forgives… always!
It is good to remind our children of this thought from Gilson from time to time:
- “The God of Christianity is not just a forgiving judge; He is a judge who can forgive because He is first and foremost a doctor who heals.”
- It also helps to build awareness by discussing with your child the goodness or badness of events we hear about, whether they are situations close to us or something we’ve learned about through the media.
- It is also appropriate to suggest that you practice a personal examination of conscience at the end of the day, perhaps helping you in the first steps to ask yourself the right questions.
Intention is decisive
in determining whether an act is good or bad.
Promote children’s freedom
As he grows, he should be allowed to make his own decisions with greater freedom and responsibility, telling him at most:
“If I were you, I would do it this way or that way” and, if necessary, briefly explain why.
Gradually fostering children’s freedom not only helps them develop a sound conscience, but is essential to achieving it.
Therefore, on many occasions and from a certain age, we must refuse to make decisions for them.
Normally, from a certain age onwards,
we must refuse to make decisions for our children.
Because?
- Because we would prevent them from taking responsibility for their own actions and, at the same time, give them the opportunity to blame us for their failures, should they occur.
- On the contrary, getting used to enduring and overcoming the frustrations that life brings is one of the important components of a mature personality.
Each child must be given
all the freedom they are capable of managing at all times.
(To be continued)
Tomás Melendo,
President of Edufamilia
http://www.edufamilia.com
[email protected]
EduFamilia
Edufamilia es una asociación sin ánimo de lucro, nacida en el año 2005. Su fundador, Tomás Melendo, advirtió que una mejora en la calidad de las familias facilitaría la resolución de bastantes de los problemas que aquejan a la sociedad de hoy. Y, apoyado siempre por su mujer, decidió lanzarse a esta aventura que cuenta con casi veinte años de vida y con múltiples ediciones de los distintos cursos formativos: Másteres y Maestrías, Expertos, cursos más breves, conferencias, ciclos culturales, seminarios y otros programas educativos. Aunque las primeras ediciones tuvieron carácter presencial, actualmente se ha hecho un gran esfuerzo por promover la infraestructura virtual para adaptarse a los nuevos tiempos y que la formación en torno a la familia alcance al mundo entero.
