Marriage is the union of two people who, to grow together, must learn to forgive. As the saying goes, “Marriage consists of two good forgivers.” But why do we sometimes find it so hard to forgive those we love most? Why does our worst self often manifest itself at home?

Healing wounds so we can forgive

Our inner wounds often prevent us from forgiving. Forgiveness isn’t a feeling; it’s a decision that requires willpower. If we base it on fleeting emotions, they will betray us.

Wounds need time to heal. Our psychology is like an onion, with multiple layers that need to be peeled back and healed. Forgiveness doesn’t happen overnight; it’s a process that demands patience.

A concrete step is to transform the wound into compassion and the offense into intercession: praying for the one who has hurt us is already an act of forgiveness, even if the pain persists.

The fragility in today’s culture and the challenge of loving freely

We live in a narcissistic culture that creates fragile, weak, and easily offended people, often “made of glass.” Emotional maturity helps us avoid being shocked by others’ weaknesses or taking offense too easily. Why do we have so many expectations of others? Accepting others means letting go of the desire for them to be the way we want them to be.

Keys to forgiveness in marriage:

1.  Humility as the path to forgiveness : Pride blinds us and prevents us from seeing the fragility of others. It traps us in the “self.” Being humble opens us to truth and love.

2.  Self-knowledge : Only in the light of Christ do we truly know ourselves. Without God, self-knowledge can lead to pride or despair.

3.  Conviction that God has intertwined our lives : Marriage is a path to holiness nourished by the grace of the sacrament.

4.  Self-forgetfulness : The family is the best place to practice this self-forgetfulness. My spouse has the flaws and virtues I need to be a saint. Running together is slower, but you go further.

5.  Firmness in ideals and patience in practice : Correct from love and not from wounded pride. Saint Augustine said it well: “Love the offender, hate the crime.”

6.  “If you keep a record of sins, who can stand?” Do not use past mistakes as ammunition against the other person.

7.  Healing wounds with love : What truly heals us is living intensely in the present moment, repairing it with love, by performing acts of love for others.

8.  Ask for help when needed:  Sometimes, we can’t do it alone. Forgiveness is a process that may require support.

Marriage is a school of love  where learning to forgive is key to growing in unity and freedom. Don’t let resentment extinguish love. Today, take the first step and allow God to transform your heart.