The figure of the mother is recognized in most societies within our globalized world. Without a doubt, a mother is a source of security for her children as she is their first and primary “shelter,” but the relationship between them should be completed by the function of the father. Studies by psychologists and educators show that the father figure is necessary for the healthy psychological development of children. A father’s presence in his children’s lives is necessary when they are small, as he plays a key role in their cognitive, social, and emotional development, but perhaps even more so at the age when they must begin to fly from the “family nest” and make their own decisions.

Regarding this issue, the book “The Forbidden Difference” by Tony Anatrella, an expert in social psychiatry, mentions that the devaluation of the father’s role has major consequences on the psychic structure of individuals and on society: the weakening of the masculine image, an increase in addictive behaviors, a loss of the sense of boundaries (drug addiction, bulimia/anorexia, reactional sexual practices), difficulties in socializing, etc. Therefore, the father must be involved in the upbringing and education of his children, actively and positively, at all stages of their development.

Why has the “cancellation” of the father become accepted in our society?

It could be said that today, legislation and the media present or provide a stereotyped image of the father figure. Furthermore, there is a current belief that those born male will inevitably develop “sexist behaviors” or “abusive tendencies.” On the other hand, since assisted reproduction techniques allow for having children without a male partner, it can be argued that children depend primarily on the mother’s decision, and the man is not considered an essential being. Given this cultural landscape, some women ask: What do we need men for?

It is a reality that in most television series, the father is presented as an individual incapable of positioning himself correctly in his educational task, unable to deal with his adolescent children, much less transmit the necessary requirements of life in society or even reprimand when necessary.

The relationship between mother and child holds high social value, while the father often feels he must be like a “second mother” to be accepted. Consequently, he must forget his own masculine traits and imitate the qualities of feminine talent (affection, empathy, tenderness, etc.). Some men, influenced by this idea, have come to identify with the model of “mothering fathers” (papás gallinas)—meaning, not a father, but rather an older brother or an uncle.

Various studies confirm that the absence of the father has very negative effects on children’s development. In this sense, surveys conducted in the United States show that if a child is raised by a single mother instead of by both a mother and a father, they have six times the risk of growing up in poverty and twice the risk of dropping out of school or even suffering from psychological disorders. Additionally, another study conducted by the University of Oxford in the United Kingdom demonstrates a direct link between the level of the father’s involvement and the academic success of his children.

We must not forget that men and women are complementary beings, and this complementarity must necessarily be reflected in the education of their children. For this reason, it is “common sense” that the emotional balance of children in a family can only be achieved by combining male traits (courage, strength, competitiveness, etc.) with the values more characteristic of the mother (tenderness, understanding, empathy, etc.).

How did we get here?

The cancellation of the father figure is related to a deeper issue: the destruction of the natural family, formed by a father, a mother, and their children. A family can break for many reasons, but the origin of any fracture can be found in the search for self-benefit by either the mother or the father through the other—that is, when they fall victim to the objectification of love.

Saint Joseph in “The Holy Family with a Bird” (c. 1650), by Murillo / biografiasyvidas.com

In my generation, fathers generally spent more hours away from home than mothers, but their presence was made possible by mothers who referred to them in front of the children. I believe it is worth promoting the role of the father in the family, as we are reminded today, March 19th, the day we celebrate the Feast of Saint Joseph and Father’s Day. This coincidence exists because, in our Christian tradition, Saint Joseph has always been considered a good role model for fathers to imitate, as he was a strong and courageous man in the face of difficulties, while remaining affectionate and understanding, helping Mary and his Son fulfill their mission. I lost my father not long ago, and I miss him just as much as I miss my mother.