Is it appropriate to talk about death with children? How should we do it? Is it better to protect them from grief when a loved one dies, or rather to guide them to process it according to their emotional and psychological development? Therefore, in the context of All Souls’ Day , commemorated on November 2nd, it is essential to address this topic with them.

In her essay “Why Do People Die? How to Explain Death to Children , ” Dr.  Elena Tibiletti , a clinical educator from Milan, explains: 

“One of the great taboos of our culture is death, which has no place in our society, representing a defeat for medicine and technology. […] Until only a few decades ago, death was seen for what it truly is: a natural and common occurrence, an integral part of life, shared by all members of the family, including children. It was a time of togetherness, where the pain of loss strengthened family and friendship bonds. Today, however, there is a tendency to focus solely on the painful aspect of grief, leading parents to overprotect their children.”

Following this perspective, and convinced that, although children do not possess the tools of an adult, they have the right to process grief in a way appropriate to their age, Cecilia Galatolo of FamilyandMedia has selected three films that deal with the subject of the death of a loved one with realism and sensitivity for the youngest viewers:

Up: A High-Flying Adventure

Carl and Ellie, the protagonists of this moving film, love each other sincerely and deeply. Their story begins in childhood and evolves into a lasting marriage. They live many happy years, though marked by painful events. They both long for a child, but this desire will not be fulfilled. This is the only animated film that addresses the sensitive topics of miscarriage and perinatal loss. Through a few scenes, the pain of a couple is conveyed. However, the spouses overcome their grief by remaining united and planning their future together.

The first key message the film offers is  sharing the pain of grief with loved ones . Despite adverse or tragic events, Carl and Ellie’s bond allows them to overcome any obstacle. The greatest tragedy occurs when Ellie falls ill and dies, leaving Carl devastated and without children or grandchildren.

The elderly man, consumed by grief, finds a new purpose by embarking on a fantastical journey to Angel Falls, a dream he shared with his wife. At the start of his trip, he encounters Russell, a young Boy Scout vying for his attention. Though initially annoyed, Carl eventually warms to the boy, forging a special bond, much like that of a grandfather and grandson. Through Russell, Carl discovers that there are always people for whom it is worthwhile to persevere and overcome suffering.

The second key to the film is that,  even in the most difficult moments, there is always someone to love and smile with.

Big Hero 6

San Fransokyo is a fictional futuristic city, a blend of San Francisco and Tokyo. Hiro, a child prodigy, lives there with his older brother Tashido and his aunt, having lost both parents.

From a young age, Hiro faces two great losses. Despite this, he maintains his enthusiasm for discovery and creation. However, he uses his talent in illegal robot battles to earn money. His brother, who is a father figure to him, reprimands him and encourages him to use his skills for social good. Hiro accepts and enrolls in university, where Tashido is part of a group of inventors. After a tragedy in the laboratory, where his brother dies, Hiro must face another loss. In this process, he is supported by his friends and by Baymax, an inflatable robot created by Tashido to assist him. Baymax teaches him the importance of physical contact, hugs, and sharing feelings during grief.

The film delicately addresses the theme of loss, showing how to overcome anger through love and helping others.  Hiro overcomes his grief by saving a professor’s daughter in a heroic act.

The Good Dinosaur 

In an alternate universe where dinosaurs never went extinct, Arlo, the youngest son of a dinosaur family, is the protagonist. His older brothers are brave and responsible, helping out on the family farm. Arlo has yet to prove his courage. His worried father tasks him with catching the thief who is stealing supplies from the silo. Arlo discovers the thief is a human boy, but he can’t bring himself to confront him. During a hunt, a tragedy occurs that marks the beginning of Arlo’s journey to adulthood and overcoming his fears. Arlo also experiences a significant loss within his family, leading him to discover his hidden strength and courage. The film is moving and teaches how pain can be a source of growth and how strong relationships can shield a wounded heart, helping one overcome suffering.

Our advice is not to censor death, but to tell it through stories that facilitate its understanding and processing.

By Cecilia Galatolo of FamilyandMedia