The figure of the man who assumes fatherhood through his masculinity is not going through its best moments. This is expressed in her book, Stolen Fatherhood  (Ed. Almuzara), by María Calvo, a professor at the Carlos III University of Madrid. In it, she discusses the consequences of the social withdrawal of men for children, for their mothers, and for society. Therefore, she calls for a change of mentality.

Today, it’s very common for fathers to be expected to be stepmothers, to act according to a maternal feminine model, and forget about typically masculine attributes. Exercising authority, setting limits, being brave, defending the weak…  It seems all of this must be put aside in favour of empathy, affection, or tenderness.

To the extent that women are having children without a father, or children who are “fatherless” before birth, in so-called “single-parent” families (single mothers with children), men are being deprived of their fatherhood, and children are being condemned to being orphaned by living parents.

It seems that fathers are expendable. Symbolically, even legislation has annulled the father: the Royal Decree-Law extending paternity leave approved by our Government does not contain the word “father” at any point.  It refers to a “parent other than the biological mother.”

Statistics show that paternal absence is at the root of most of the most serious social problems: crime, teenage abortions, academic failure, drug addiction… It used to be thought that these situations were related to marginalization and poverty. Not so: they also occur among upper-class children, among minors who are violent.

A father is someone who adopts a child, accompanies them, sets limits. He “fathers” them. A father is not a biological father: inseminating is not fathering, just as someone who owns a piano is not a pianist.  The biological father has to “adopt” the child, symbolically speaking. He is someone who takes care of a child in all its aspects: spiritual, physical, and psychological, and may not be the biological father.

As a society, we have not measured the consequences of fatherlessness—physical and psychological absence. The results are always the same: paternal absence is a determining factor in asocial manifestations or even pathological consequences. We must achieve effective fatherhood, which must be balanced and enriched by the mother; sexual otherness will achieve this balance in the psychological well-being of children.

Finally, I’ll leave you with a video by María Calvo on 7 tips for being a good parent: