How fulfilling it is to communicate with others, to avoid isolation.  Something we all long for.  Through  conversation  , we connect with others, make friends, and share interests, tastes, and projects. Sometimes we even share our inner world, ideas, and feelings… In this way, we connect, receive help, feel valued, and share experiences.

Conversation is about creating something “alive” between two  or more people. It’s about exchanging thoughts, experiences, longings, joys and uncertainties, dreams and hopes. However,  not everything is shared with just anyone:  it’s necessary to consider what topics we’re going to share, and with whom.

Also, take care of the  ways  you communicate, both  verbally and non-verbally , and the places  to talk, where you can express aspects that are more difficult… show interest, look into their eyes, and listen beyond the words.

That is,  to listen with the heart,  to make the other person  feel comfortable, feel confident and able  to open up  if they wish.

And it’s always good to keep in mind the  different ways men and women are and communicate.  Women, in general, need to share their experiences and feelings more than men do. Men find it difficult to talk about these things because they don’t experience them as intensely, nor are they as meticulous in explaining things. Something women do enjoy. In addition to this, everyone has their own unique style of sharing things, and we must respect and appreciate that. We should value differences, because they enrich us.

Listen and contribute

To communicate and connect, both aspects are necessary:  ​​knowing how to contribute and knowing how to receive with appreciation. 

First,  listen, welcome the other person,  and then speak. This is one of Stephen Covey’s “seven habits.” It’s not always necessary to respond and give advice. Perhaps that person simply wants to talk or unburden themselves of their worries. Learn to truly listen to try to understand and offer comfort. And  empathize,  put yourself in their shoes: share their feelings and difficulties, and in some way be affected by them. Take responsibility for their specific needs.

In other words:  learn to listen before speaking,  to understand and welcome first, and then to speak and be understood. Focus your attention on the other person.

But sometimes it’s hard to talk, and it’s not easy depending on the circumstances, or if the other person isn’t receptive… And no one can open up if there isn’t  someone else to welcome them.  This is essential, and sometimes we forget it. That’s why it’s important to learn to  listen deeply,  even with your eyes. Avoid  trivial  or hurtful  comments . Be mindful of how  you speak, and always be willing to  correct yourself  when necessary.  A good relationship is more valuable than being “right.”  Be humble and loyal… Don’t divulge what’s confided in you.

Calm

Sometimes it is necessary  to communicate what we have in our head and in our heart,  mainly with friends, with family… and that requires spaces of calm.

Giving in to  the rush and stress  that seem to have taken hold in life does not foster communication or  empathy.  It leads to superficial and unsympathetic interactions.

And it’s a shame, because  empathy and trust strengthen a relationship,  making people feel valued, taken into account, and ultimately  loved.  In personal relationships,  the little things matter.

That’s why it’s also important to nurture it with  children,  to teach them that understanding and empathy,  that human warmth,  and the heart’s desire to connect with others. Something that is already  predisposed in human nature  and  genes , in the biology of each person.

Furthermore,  the brain functions better with positive relationships . A lack of such an environment hinders its proper development. Relationships built on friendship and genuine human connection are essential, especially during childhood, where everything begins.

In these interpersonal relationships, neurotransmitters and neuroplastic messenger substances  of well-being are secreted  , which nourish the brain and promote neuronal plasticity, the basis of human development and learning.

Meet

All of this helps with  introspection , with “being” with oneself, with discovering thoughts, ideas and convictions that may be somewhat hidden, and with  getting to know oneself. 

Each person possesses an intimate space, a place of inner silence, where they are in  their own  ” home,”  where  they  ” possess” themselves,  as the great philosopher and educator Jutta Burggraf points out.  Let us reclaim these vital, intimate spaces for each individual, and the silence they cultivate.

There, each person can be free, think for themselves, and be themselves, unconditioned by their environment or circumstances. Furthermore,  the inner  self shapes and grants freedom: the freedom to be oneself, to exist, to act. There, one can conceive of noble goals to aspire to, aiming for what one is called to be, and starting from one’s own qualities and talents. We are so much more than what is shown on the outside, or what we can “do.”

Conversing face to face: the most human act

Therefore, it’s important to listen to what the other person wants to say so they feel welcome. Take your time. Allow for moments of silence so they can think and open up.

Sherry Turkle , a professor at MIT, in her book “In Defense of Conversation,” points out: “Face-to-face conversation is the  most human, and most humanizing, act we can perform.”  We can reflect on this fundamental idea. It’s worth considering.

I quote from his book: “When we are  fully present  with another, we learn to listen. This is how we develop the capacity to  feel empathy;  this is how we experience the joy of being heard, of being understood. Furthermore,  conversation fosters introspection,  that conversation with ourselves which is the cornerstone of  our early development  and which continues throughout our lives.”

Being present, looking, listening, feeling with the other… even getting to know oneself.

However,  the frequent use of screens  hinders calm thinking, empathizing with others, and the ability to be present and converse peacefully, truly listening. These devices  “steal” our attention  and pull it away from the real world we’re in, sometimes almost without us noticing… with a barrage of gratification. And we end up  distracted,  trapped, unable to focus or think deeply… and even less able to understand or learn.

Empathy  and sensitivity are learned from a young age  within the  family:  through glances, smiles, and conversations with those we love and who love us. It’s where the little things matter, and where we feel important and loved.

That understanding and connection, along with all the affection involved, are necessary  for the capacity to love,  so fundamental to human beings. This  translates into happiness:  those who truly love are very happy, even if it’s difficult at first, but those who only look at themselves end up frustrated and disillusioned, empty… and usually alone. Staring at a screen.

Indeed,  conversations  with family or friends are the primary means of  connecting  with loved ones and raising and educating children, because in family conversations, we learn that  the most important thing  is not sharing information, but  nurturing those relationships.  This is the key.

And the omnipresence of  digital devices  hinders conversations,  interrupts our own thoughts, and makes any connection difficult… It distracts us and  scatters our minds from what  is most important: the people close to us, to whom we must  show our affection and attention  in the best way possible. Let’s cherish these relationships and the  opportunity to connect  with our loved ones.