A friend told me that his son, about to get married, asked him in the days leading up to the wedding, when doubts and fears were strong, if he thought he would be happy, if he would adapt, if he would achieve what he hoped for…

Half-jokingly, I replied: You shouldn’t get married. You’re selfish; all you asked me was about how you’ll feel. What you should be thinking about is whether you’re capable of making your girlfriend happy, if you’re willing to give yourself to your children when you have them, if you can forget your tastes and whims to take care of others. If you’re capable of living in a demanding environment. You get married to make someone else happy, and that requires forgetting about yourself. Without drama. Without feeling like a victim.

This friend was right. Anyone who isn’t willing to serve shouldn’t get married. Happiness always comes from service, not from selfishness. To be happy, what you have to do is forget yourself for love. This sounds very strange these days in many cases. But as the poet said, the truth is always true, even if you think the other way around. If you don’t believe this, look at today’s society; the greatest suffering exists in the realm of relationships, in families.

Continuing with my friend’s comment, I found what he told me very interesting. It’s logical to wonder how they’re doing, but not obsessively. What you have to test in a relationship is your capacity for self-sacrifice and that of the person you’re going to marry. If you’re truly prepared, or want to prepare, to raise children, keeping in mind that an uneducated person cannot be happy. The greatest harm you can do to a child is not to raise them.

Every path of love is a path of self-sacrifice, whether feelings are present or not. If we are able to live with our virtues and flaws, with our beliefs and values. That is the biggest decision anyone will make in life. Who am I going to share it with? Especially if you are absolutely certain that this relationship will not break, no matter what happens, no matter how you feel.

If not, it will break, because life isn’t very long, but it is very wide. Everything happens, especially if one leaves the door open, so common these days, of “if this doesn’t work out”… We will look for reasons. It is very good to ask ourselves if our relationships are centered on me or on the other. A good relationship with family, friends, spouse, or whoever, is wanting the best for the other and doing everything possible to make it so.

The capacity for personal dedication, dedication to the other, surrender for love, that is what we must develop in a relationship; that is what will lead us to be able to form a happy family. Let’s keep in mind that courtship is the first step in continuity: courtship, family, and children. Therefore, courtship is very important for the happiness of our children.

If, on the other hand, the commitment given in courtship is sexual, we will be doing the opposite. Sexuality in courtship is very much about seeking oneself. This path, that of seeking oneself, would lead to the cause of the failure of many marriages. People go into marriage not to give, but to be given. When this happens, love is conspicuous by its absence. Either one makes an effort to love, or one will not be happy. Happiness requires effort.

If you haven’t done so until now, start. If you don’t see the need for it, it’s better not to get married.