Shame is a feeling derived from insecurity and dependence on external opinion. The person who feels shame experiences great discomfort when denying themselves and trying to adapt to the expectations of others.
Shame wants us to become invisible, and to do so it is capable of implementing many strategies. It is the enemy of the visibility of presence. It is a difficult emotion that appears to hide who we are because fear and insecurity have informed us that we will have a bad time.
The person who experiences shame lives in fear of others discovering their weaknesses, which are none other than being themselves. The origin of this emotion is usually found in an experience in which the person felt or was made to feel that they did not behave as they should. In this way, it was marked.
She is so afraid that the blockage arises as a defense to protect her, while she plunges into a deep state of frustration.
Lack of self-esteem leads us to look at ourselves with contempt and ridicule ourselves mercilessly. It is an instant sensation in unexpected situations. It all starts with a thought of self-devaluation and the belief that the person in front of us thinks the same, the result is blushing or shrinking of the body.
We realize our shame and that others notice it. This causes the discomfort to increase, the mind orders flight and the body obeys by escaping from social contact. This is when the situation has arrived unexpectedly. If not, we will do whatever it takes to avoid it.
Shame condemns us to social ostracism, and the insecurity of showing ourselves naturally reduces us to the poorest version of our identity. Shyness and shame are more noticeable on the inside than on the outside, although it seems to us that this is not the case.
The relationship we have with the appearance of our body can also be an example of how ruthless we can be with ourselves. Inferiority complexes derived from our body aesthetics can sometimes lead us to obsessive enslavement to routines. Fatphobia and body sizes are suffered in a culture tyrannized by the cult of the body.
Loneliness. We are ashamed to be seen alone. Feeling that we do not belong to a group or that we do not have a family makes us feel like social pests.
We feel watched and trapped in an inferior position. Shame leads us to think that we are to blame for what happens to us.
Being ashamed implies, on the one hand, experiencing emotions such as guilt and fear, and through other mechanisms such as perfection and control to overcome the feeling of inadequacy.
Shame is that fear of being, of showing what one is, of choosing to be invisible so as not to be the target of criticism. This implies a lack of respect and tolerance for oneself, with low self-esteem, and surrounds the person in a negative filter and self-hatred.
I like to think that feeling shame is also a virtue, otherwise we would be “scoundrels.” Shyness and shame are thermometers of our humility and can help us see other people without feeling more than anyone else. If we could modulate it a little so as not to feel inferior, we would achieve more human social relationships. We would see ourselves in each other’s mirrors with mutual respect and appreciation.
Juan Andrés Segura – Enraizados Collaborator
