Imagine a man with his entire body covered in ink, millions of young people following him on social media, an imposing aesthetic, and a gaze that seems otherworldly. That’s René ZZ at first glance. But beneath the tattoos lies a story of pain, a relentless search, fear of abandonment, and a deep longing that nothing earthly could soothe. Until a dream changed everything.

In the latest episode of the  Rebeldes Podcast , René sat down with Father Ignacio and Brother Marcos to bare his soul. The conversation is so honest, so raw, and so full of hope that it’s hard to stop listening. And now, in the form of an article, I invite you to explore it. Because this isn’t just the story of an influencer: it’s yours and mine. The story of anyone who has ever felt lost, anguished, or orphaned in their own heart.

A childhood without a father and the fear of being forgotten

René grew up with his mother, his sister, and his maternal grandparents. His father left when he was only a year old. That absence left a subtle but deep wound: the constant feeling that if he didn’t do something extraordinary, people would leave too.

“When I was born, I had the feeling that one of the two people who had taken care of me had already decided to leave. Therefore, I felt a debt: ‘Wow, I’ve already messed up.'”

To avoid being forgotten, René decided to make himself visible. Very visible. He got his entire body tattooed. Not just for aesthetic reasons or out of a passion for art: it was a survival strategy. “I’m getting my whole body tattooed so people will always remember who I am and where I am, and so they don’t lose sight of me. Besides, I’m going to tell a lot of stories.”

As a child, he drew obsessively, finding refuge in comics and later in metal music. But sadness arrived in adolescence for no apparent reason: anxiety about the future, fear of taking the wrong path, the certainty that something great was expected of him, and, at the same time, the paralysis of not knowing how to achieve it.

At 13, she was already wondering what she would be like at 18. She lived more in the future than in the present. A fear that, she confesses, still accompanies her, although now she faces it with faith and maturity.

Nostalgia for Paradise and the search for identity

From a young age, René felt an inexplicable longing. In catechism class, he would ask, “Where is Paradise? Because I want to go there.” It wasn’t just any kind of melancholy: it was a thirst for something eternal, for stability, for home. Saint Thomas Aquinas would have understood it perfectly: we come from God, and all our desire is to return to Him.

She sought answers in psychology, Jordan Peterson, stoicism, meditation, saunas, the Finnish cold… She lived four years in Helsinki, in silence and solitude, creating content while her relationship crumbled. There she began to explore her connection to God. But the true turning point came with a dream.

The dream that changed everything: “I dreamed that God loved me”

One night in Finland, René awoke with an experience unlike anything else in this world. He saw no images, heard no words. He only felt a pure, eternal emotion of love  that filled him completely and that he returned with the same intensity.

“It was the ultimate all the time. I couldn’t feel any more. And at the same time, I knew that it was forever.”

He woke up knowing, without a doubt, that it was God. This love was unlike any other he had ever experienced. Not familiar, not romantic, not friendly. It was different. And this certainty compelled him to pull on the thread: if God loves me, He must want something from me.

From that moment on, his conversion began. I have started going to Mass, to confession, to adoration. I have discovered that the sacraments liberated him. That kneeling before the Blessed Sacrament was not humiliation, but the greatest possible honor.

The greatest enemy is within: pride, fear, and the daily battle

René is very aware: “I don’t know if I’m my own best friend or my own worst enemy. I love myself a lot, but I also mistreat myself a lot.”

Their struggle is no longer just against trauma or the absence of a father. Now it’s against the pride that wants to control everything, against the mind that imagines catastrophic futures, against the temptation to return to victimhood.

Jordan Peterson helped him a lot with responsibility: “Start by making your bed.” But faith is taking him further: letting go of control and allowing himself to be restored by God.

“Jesus tells me: ‘Relax. The more you listen to me and the less you think about all the possible catastrophic futures, the closer you will get to what I want for you.'”

A new love with Christ at the center

A few months ago, René started a relationship with Celia. It is, he says, “the most beautiful and the most terrifying thing” that has ever happened to him. For the first time, Christ is at the center of his life. Before, he projected his own shortcomings onto the other person. Now he entrusts every gesture and every word to God: “Help me take care of her. She is your daughter before she is my girlfriend.”

That pure love, filtered through God, is purifying him. And René wants to die knowing that he gave everything, not out of fear, but out of love.

What spiritual tattoo is God making on you?

At the end of the interview, they asked her: “What spiritual tattoo do you think God is doing in your life right now?”

René responded with a beautiful image: God is revealing the true map of his soul. Removing the dust, the stains, stripping away the stains from within so he can see who he truly is. Not the complicated labyrinth he imagined, but a beloved, simple son, searching for his home.

“It is revealing my true identity to me.”

The Church as a home and the right to change

René no longer feels alone inside his own head. The Church has given him community, peace, a place where everything important comes together. He sees people at Mass and is moved: “I wonder what suffering they endure and what love they have for Jesus.”

And he sends a powerful message to his friends and everyone:  we have the right to change . Let’s not ridicule those who want to improve, those who give up vices, those who seek God. Let’s pat them on the back and say, “I believe in you.”

He hasn’t lost any friends since his conversion. On the contrary, he feels supported. Although he has lost some followers. And he doesn’t care. “If there are people willing to die for Christ, the least I can do is lose some followers.”

For those seeking truth and home

This conversation is a gift. It shows that faith is not for the weak or the hopeless: it is for the courageous. It requires thought, commitment, and the wisdom to recognize that, however great our minds may be, God is infinitely greater.

René ZZ no longer just tattoos his skin. Now he lets God tattoo his soul. And the result is a more serene gaze, a different smile, and a heart that, little by little, feels at home.

If you too feel nostalgia, fear of the future, wounds of abandonment, or simply a thirst that nothing quenches… this story is for you.

God doesn’t look at your outward tattoos. He looks at your heart. And He tells you the same thing He told René in that dream:

I love you. And this love is eternal.

Eat. Let me restore you. Let me show you the true map of your soul.

Because in the end, we’re all looking for the same thing:  a home . And that home has a name: Jesus.

Are you brave enough to search for it?