In November, when the Church traditionally remembers the faithful departed, the Pope invites us to pray with him for all those who have lost a child. Fathers and mothers who have experienced a pain that is “particularly intense” and beyond all human logic, because – as Francis recalls in the video message that accompanies his prayer intention – “living longer than your child is not natural.”
A pain that leaves you speechless01
We are so ill-prepared to survive the death of a child, Francis observes in this month’s Pope Video, that not even our dictionary has an adequate word to describe this condition of life. “Note that a spouse who loses the other is a widow or widower. A child who loses a parent is an orphan. There is a word that says it. But a parent who loses a child… there is no word. The pain is so great that there is no word.”
There is no word, the Pope reminds us, among other things, because in the face of the loss of a son or daughter, words “are useless.” Not even “encouraging” words, which “are sometimes banal and sentimental,” and which, “said with the best intentions, of course, can end up widening the wound.” The answer is therefore different: rather than speaking to these parents, “we must listen to them, be close to them with love, caring for the pain they have with responsibility, imitating the way Jesus Christ consoled those who were afflicted.”
Reborn from pain
Francis recalls that some families, “after suffering such a terrible tragedy, have been reborn in hope”: the key was the support of faith, the presence of that “consoling spirit” that the Pope invokes in his prayer intention to bring “peace of heart”. Some of them are among the protagonists of this month’s Pope Video, which brings together stories of great pain and hope.
There is the pain of Serena, who threw herself into the arms of Pope Francis in the Gemelli hospital to mourn her little girl Angelica, who had just died of a genetic disease. There is that of Luca and Paola, the parents of Francesco, who was hit by a car when he was 18, in October 2022: not a day has passed since then without them returning to the scene of the accident, or bringing a flower to his grave. There is also that of Yanet, mother of William, killed at the age of 21 by gangs for his commitment to combating violence.
But there is no shortage of images of hope. Like those of the Naím group, born within the community of Romena, where once a month they meet with families who have lost a child. Naím takes its name from the place not far from Nazareth, where Jesus meets a widow whose only son has died, and without words touches the coffin of the dead child: a sign that gestures, in the face of such great pain, count much more than words.
Bringing one’s pain to Jesus
Pope Francis had reminded the Naím group, whom he met in November 2023 in the Paul VI Hall, that “being Christian means caring for those who are wounded and those who are in pain, to light a small light where it seems that all is lost.” And when faced with the death of a child (“An immense, inconsolable pain, which must never be trivialized with empty words and superficial answers”), caring for the wounded means above all “knowing how to cry together” and “bringing the cry of one’s pain to Jesus.”
“The loss of a child is an experience that does not accept theoretical descriptions and rejects the banality of religious or sentimental words, of sterile phrases of encouragement or of circumstances that, even if they are intended to console, end up hurting even more those who, like you, face a hard inner battle every day,” Francis reiterated in March of this year when meeting the parents of the “Talità Kum” association in Vicenza.
For Francis, a pain like that of the loss of a child, “so lacerating and lacking in explanations,” only “needs to remain clinging to the thread of a prayer,” a cry addressed to God at every moment, which does not resolve the tragedy, but is inhabited by questions that are repeated, questions that ask to know where God was at that moment and that, at the same time, give strength to move forward and find comfort in prayer.
A call to prayer and hope
Father Cristóbal Fones S.J., interim International Director of the Pope’s Worldwide Prayer Network, reflects: “The pain of losing a child is immense. In the face of this reality, rather than trying to say many things, we must approach them lovingly, freely and respectfully. We know that God never ceases to console and be with those who suffer. It is necessary to accompany this reality with closeness and delicacy, taking care to find the appropriate language that allows us to remain without trying to deny this pain, knowing that we are always moved and encouraged by hope in the God of life.” Fones invites us to join in prayer with the Pope so that the Holy Spirit may bring the peace and consolation that only He can give to the hearts wounded by this tragedy.
