To talk about good manners, we must start from the fact that mom and dad are right every time they tell their children: “Sit up straight, keep your elbows off the table, keep your mouth shut while you eat…” These small details are not only shaping them to behave with elegance, but are also equipping them with skills that many people value more than they could imagine.
However, protocol, good manners and civility go beyond that, since they only make sense if they are practiced from kindness and compassion. They only make sense if charity is sought.
We have to want to use these rules to make this world a more welcoming place for those around us. On the other hand, if we carry out these practices because they make us feel superior to those who do not know them, then we fall into the error of stripping them of their essence.
Good manners are a means to a noble end: charity. If we turn them into an end in themselves, we empty them of their true meaning. We will be the yokels of Heaven, who keep the wrapper and throw away the candy.
In addition, elegance and good treatment have more to do with our way of being than with our status. It is about knowing how to listen, being understanding, showing empathy, not criticizing, and all this has nothing to do with the brands of clothing we wear.
This year, I shared a workshop with families with the CEU San Pablo Foundation to review good manners and urbanity together.
To talk about manners, we must begin by recognizing that mom and dad are right every time they tell their children: “Sit up straight, take your elbows off the table, chew with your mouth closed…” These details are not only training them to behave elegantly, but they are giving them skills that others will value more than they imagine.
However, protocol, good manners and civility only make real sense when they are practiced with kindness and compassion, since their goal should be charity.
We should want to use these rules to make the world a nicer place for those around us. If, instead, we use them to feel superior to those who do not know them, we will be failing in their essence. We will be throwing away the gum and keeping the wrapper.
Good manners should be based on charity. If we consider them an end in themselves, they will lose their true meaning.
Furthermore, true elegance has more to do with our attitude than with our status. It consists of knowing how to listen, being empathetic, showing understanding, and avoiding criticism. And none of this depends on the clothes we wear.
With this in mind, now that the school year begins, it is a good time to remember the rules of civility at the table, whether as hosts or guests. May the desire to create a pleasant environment for our loved ones help us maintain respect and cordiality in every family gathering.
A practical tip: print out a simple diagram of how the table should be set and place it in the china cupboard. This way, your children will have no excuse not to do it right.
And if at any time we have doubts, let’s think: how would She do it? Surely, the Virgin Mary would prioritize charity over manners. If by doing so she managed to make the person in front of her feel more comfortable, she would not hesitate to make small sacrifices. May our life always be oriented towards her example.
*Under the name “The Bluestone Hause”, (Blue: for Mary’s blue, stone: because it is our rock, Hause: because we want to belong to her family, to be in the best house) you can find the manual for the protocol and manners workshop for the whole family.
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