We know that, before the wedding, we have to make many decisions as a couple: the type of ceremony, the places for the event and the subsequent celebration, the date, the number of guests, among others. The wisest advice is to give in on what does not seem essential to us.
In the book on marriage *Cooking with leftovers*, after the “I do”, this topic is addressed: “If the color of the sofa upholstery will not change my life, let the other choose it. If cars do not interest me, let them decide for me. Give in, give in, give in, on everything you can give in.”
But what do we do when decisions do seem important to us, such as choosing the children’s school, allowing them to go out to parties or not, or deciding whether to buy them a cell phone? In these cases, the book recommends a professional approach.
First, meet in a quiet place, without children, family or friends. A key piece is that both speak with temperance and affection, leaving vehemence aside. It is crucial to maintain calm and affectionate communication to build a solid foundation.
The hardest part is to really listen, not just be silent while thinking about the retort. If both listen to each other sincerely, asking for St. Joseph’s help, they will be able to discern the best option.
Why turn to St. Joseph? He too faced difficult decisions and sometimes made wrong choices, needing divine intervention. Invoking St. Joseph can give us valuable perspective in times of uncertainty.
The best recommendation in the book is found at the end of the chapter “A Decisive Step”: when a decision is made, both accept it. The one who gives in supports the chosen option and commits to carrying it out.
“And, if the decision turns out to be wrong, I will never, never, never hold it against you. I will spare you the ‘I told you so’, the ‘you never listen to me’. Don’t miss the opportunity to be magnanimous: your partner remembers perfectly what you were thinking; be elegant, don’t say anything… With all the delicacy of cooking with leftovers, that decisive step will take you forward without fear. Worry only about external agents. But inside, without doubts, knowing that you are supported, sustained, protected.” A perfect protocol to not fear making decisions. Why not?
