The boy looked out the window, from there he could see his father diving under the ‘hood’ of the car and, scattered on the floor, tools that, due to their disposition, gave evidence of intensive use. In a hurry, he changed his clothes and went down to meet him. The father “read” his presence as that of an “assistant” and asked for a wrench. Excited by the confidence, he took the pliers with the certainty that he had got it right, he handed it to him waiting for a sign of approval. The father, upon noticing the error, reacted graphically. The child’s face was also graphically decomposed. This scene continues with a father involved in his hobby for mechanics and a child, between annoyed and sad, wandering around his bedroom or, out of boredom, annoying his siblings.
Did the child share the hobby? Or the responsibility of having and keeping the vehicle ready? His intention was rather different. The father, however, interpreted that he was there because he vibrated with his passion for mechanics, and his aspiration that he could become his successor fueled his pride. The figure of the father is usually attractive to the son, who tries to be with him, participate, and “get into” his world in a certain, magically complete way. Father-son meetings do not require circumstances or events of great magnitude; on the contrary, the occasions that arise are a consequence of the activities, actions, tasks, etc., which, in everyday life, in the ordinary, are shown and usually attended to.
The appearance in the father’s vital space was not marked because the son tunes in to his interests and expectations; his presence has greater significance: it is the request of I to you to configure we in the construction of a shared “moment”, taking as a pretext the execution of an activity. The father seeks to occupy time and space “doing things”; The son fills them and plans through the relationship: he values less what to do and more about who he does it with. The condition of the son inherently carries the need for a relationship with the father, who, with his personality, in this way and no other way expresses the uniqueness in the way of being a father.
If we focus on the relationship, the dilemma of time dedicated to children loses importance. The interpersonal relationship has a lot of relevance for the child, even above the measurable coordinates. For him, time has a rhythm that accelerates and extinguishes in the intensity of the present, but not the imprint of its trace. Time “disappears” in a vital presence when the father and son merge in a hug; when they laugh simultaneously or when they choose the same flavor of their ice cream… Those simple moments, of healthy complicity and overflowing with affection, will remain installed in the mind and heart as good memories that will lead to repeating them – updated to the age or circumstances – with the same confidence and affection of that moment. Happy Father’s Day!
