In my experience working with married couples on a daily basis, I will first talk about the  main obstacles  that prevent good communication, and then about the  two fundamental types of communication : non-verbal (where eye contact comes in) and verbal.

Charlton Heston, at 84, claimed he had overcome everything in his life—even bombing in World War II—but he could never overcome his parents’ divorce. Today, divorce is presented as something “normal,” just like abortion in many countries. That something is common doesn’t make it good; it’s a tragedy. I don’t judge anyone—when I was a child, I thought divorced people were “unfortunate,” but as I grew up and worked with people, I saw how many victims there are: “I gave them chances, I forgave them, but they left me for someone else”… No one is blaming anyone, but breakups, separations, and estrangement from children (“I haven’t spoken to my mother in five years”) are real tragedies.

Why does it come to this? When people ask me what the most important issue in marriage is, I answer:  communication . Huge problems are solved with good communication; tiny problems, without it, grow until they explode. Communication isn’t just another topic among many (finances, forgiveness, intimacy, in-laws, authority in the home, values, children…); it’s  the issue of all issues . It generates love, understanding, intimacy; it’s essential for forgiving and asking for forgiveness.

 I divide the main obstacles into external and internal.

External factors :

• The  rush and the lack of time : We live in a culture of speed. Work, long commutes (some spend 3-4 hours a day in the car), tiredness when we get home… At 8 in the morning you give your best at work; at night, you arrive exhausted.
• Media  and technology : Cell phones, tablets, social networks… They’re always with us. I remember funny anecdotes, like a husband who was looking for the remote control in the dark and his wife thought it was a romantic advance.
• Other people and commitments : Even children (a blessing) take up time. Different activities (soccer vs. dancing, hiking vs. dinners) that weren’t discussed or appreciated during courtship.
• Incompatible jobs and schedules.

Internal factors :

• Very different personalities (one talks all day, the other is quiet like “an embalmed mummy”).
• Age and lack of habit: If it is not cultivated from a young age, at 60-70 years old one only talks about ailments.
• Bad experiences: “I used to talk, but it always ended badly, so I took refuge in silence.”
• Miscommunication: Saying the opposite of what you think (“Yes… phew, it was no”).
• Lack of inner content: Going from deep conversations in courtship to only talking about shopping, chores and croquettes.
• Superficiality, distraction, and avoidance of problems.
• Negative silence: It’s better to fight with respect than to remain silent for the peace of the graveyard.

The means to overcome this : Non-verbal and verbal communication.

Nonverbal communication  (actions speak louder than words; almost more important than words, although Fulton Sheen said: “You’ll never know if someone loves you if they don’t tell you”):

1. Fidelity : Absolute certainty that there is no one else. A heart “inaccessible” to intimacy, like the nest of the golden eagle.
2. Transparency and truth : Open communication, nothing to hide. Lies breed distrust.
3. Golden times : Quality when quantity is scarce.
4. Listening  (not just hearing): An act of will, looking each other in the eyes.
5. Acts of service : Genuine interest in others.
6. Absolute respect : Never cross the line into insult (broken vessels leave marks).
7. Always forgive  (70 times 7): With real repentance, not cynicism.
8. Excitement upon arriving home : Showing that you can’t wait to see me.
9. Celebrations : Weekdays alone, getaways, solemnities such as Church (Sundays, anniversaries).
10. There’s no one like you : I’d always choose you.
11. Intimacy : The language of love that arises naturally when the above is present.
12. Talking about the future : “I’m counting on you for another 50 years.”
13. Kisses when saying goodbye and when meeting again .
14. Helping each other  to be happier and right with God.
15. The smile : The most attractive curve; it comes with it.

Everyday details  (flowers, chocolates, favorite juice) complement, but the above are demands of love.

Verbal communication : It needs to be said. Key characteristics:

• Cordial (tone, gaze).
• Timely (not asking for favors when the other person is unwell).
• Humble (not arrogant disguised as cordial).
• Positive (see the bright side).
• Clear (without “nothing” when there is something).
• Be patient (neither of you should lose patience; one pilots while the other rests).
• Superficial and profound: Laughing at silly things and talking about what’s essential (“I love you, I need you, I can’t imagine myself without you”).

In conclusion, nonverbal communication (with eye contact as its central focus) and verbal communication are at the heart of marriage. These reflections help us improve. Marriage renewal is up to you: have dinner, talk, and ask yourselves, “What do we need to change?” Let’s do all the good we can. May God always bless you.