I read on the back page of the newspaper El Mundo a quote from a certain Samanta Villar – a journalist – according to which “having children means losing quality of life”. The phrase caught my attention, even more so in light of an article I read just four days ago in another newspaper, in this case ABC, which indicated that “82.8% of Spaniards have, have had or will have fewer children than they would like”.
If we combine these two sources of information, we can conclude that 82.8% of Spaniards want to have a lower quality of life.
I suppose that the journalist would make her statement based on her maternal experience. If so, I can only say that I feel sorry for her and, of course, for her child/children.
I think the crux of the matter is how we value “quality of life,” and let me clarify before I go any further: as far as I am concerned, let each one value it as he or she pleases. Let each one establish his or her scale of values and from there let the others do the same. So it would have been very appropriate for Mrs. Villar to have specified a little more, it would have been more correct – I think – if she had said: “as I (Samanta Villar) conceptualize quality of life, having children has meant a loss for me.”
I recognize that having children usually entails a series of losses: purchasing power – which is directed towards the sustenance, education and whims of the offspring instead of other purposes -; frequently loss of sleep time; usually loss of time for personal activities; and in many cases, especially among women – let us be demanding! – also a loss of professional development options.
If these goods – because they are goods – are considered part of the “quality of life”, the truth of the axiom must be recognized.
Now let me give my view of the elements that make up the quality of life. It is my opinion, far from pretending that it can be transferred to the rest of the population, much less to you, who is reading this article.
I have been arguing for many years that the quality of life depends on two factors and in some people – but only in some – on three.
The first element is the quality of the relationship we have with ourselves – and although I cannot elaborate, let me point out that the much-used “self-esteem” would be only one of the elements of that relationship, but not the whole.
The second element is the quality of the relationship we have with others.
I believe that if a person has a good relationship with themselves AND with the other people in their environment – more and less close – they will have a magnificent quality of life regardless of their purchasing power, their state of health, the time they have to sleep and their options for professional development.
To be more specific: if someone is poor in the strict sense of the word, is terminally ill, has no possibility of professional development, but enjoys a good relationship with themselves AND with others, then they have the best quality of life they can aspire to.
Let’s put it the other way around: if a person has magnificent purchasing power, enjoys excellent health, can sleep as much as their body needs and has a magnificent professional status and even greater development options, but does NOT have a good relationship with themselves and with others, then their quality of life – I insist, from my point of view – is absolutely deficient.
From this perspective, having children can improve or worsen the quality of life, everything will depend on the quality of the relationship we establish with them (or with them). So, I suppose that the effect will vary throughout life. Although it must also be acknowledged that having children opens up a whole series of possibilities for the development and enrichment of personal abilities that will also affect how we relate to ourselves.
In my case, I must acknowledge that each of my four children allows me to say that my quality of life – thanks to my relationship with each of them and how I relate to myself since I am their father – has improved stratospherically.
Without a doubt. My quality of life would be infinitely worse if they had not been my children. Thanks to the four of them, any of you can say without the slightest fear of being wrong: “I made my father a better person and his quality of life was much better thanks to me.” – I would love to be able to say the same about my own parents, the time will come when they can tell me.
I do not want to finish without mentioning the third element that I believe some people – but only some – also include in our equation of quality of life, and it is, for those of us who have faith, our quality of relationship with God.
And I assure you that the quality of that relationship goes through better and worse stages. And when it goes through a good phase, without a doubt the quality of our relationship with ourselves and with others also experiences a much better level than when our relationship with God is at its lowest point, but that will be another topic.
Children and quality of life. I am convinced that my children are directly responsible for my magnificent quality of life. Mind you, parents are also a huge influence on the quality of life of their children. Let us do everything possible to make it the best possible or, at least, not spoil it for them.
