Cardinal Felipe Arizmendi, bishop emeritus of San Cristóbal de Las Casas and responsible for the Doctrine of the Faith at the Conference of the Mexican Episcopate (CEM), offers Exaudi readers his weekly article titled “In Many Talks, You Can Errar ”.
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LOOK
We know people who talk a lot and about everything, as if they were experts on all topics. They do not know how to listen to others, or they belittle what they say as if they were the only ones who know about life, history, and reality. They become pedantic, vain, and conceited, and their interventions become annoying; Over time, they are ignored and no longer taken into account. My mother was of very few words, but very prudent, discreet, humble, and very wise, even though she had not had the opportunity to go to school, since she did not have the opportunity to go to school in her time.
In all areas, there are very talkative people. In our Church, there is no shortage of those of us who talk too much and about everything; We become judges of what others say, as if only we had the whole truth. For many years, there must have been various councils in all dioceses and parishes: pastoral, economic, priests, laity, religious, seminary, etc., so that bishops and parish priests can listen to different points of view, before take decisions. Maybe some of us don’t know how to listen, and that’s why we decide things that don’t work well later. But there are also those who, in these councils or in assemblies, always give their opinion on everything, sometimes even judging and condemning those who think differently. There comes a time when you no longer pay any attention to them, because they always come up with the same thing.
We have rulers who consider themselves very well-informed and make judgments about everything, in a mocking and offensive tone, without consulting or taking into account their advisors and collaborators. Every morning, they talk about all matters with such self-sufficiency that it becomes disgusting. It’s not that they have ill will, but they don’t always have all the information. For example, in my town, which suffers daily extortion from criminal groups, detachments of the army, the national guard, and the state police frequently pass by, and it seems that everything is calm and that there are no problems. They report this to their superiors, who transmit the same to the highest authorities. With this partial information that reaches them, they sometimes affirm that criminals have social bases that protect them and that agree with them. It is not like this. What happens is that they do not live among us and no one dares to file legal complaints, because they know what they are exposing themselves to. And because of this distortion of reality, the highest officials affirm that the country is calm, that everyone is happy and that we are doing well. If they listened to other voices, and not just those who are on their side, they would be more humble to recognize that there are many deplorable situations in the country. For this reason, sometimes you don’t even want to listen to their daily statements, although there are still those who believe them everything. Be careful with extremes! Many times, what they report is true; But they are not always completely right, especially when they offend those who think and act differently.
DISCERN
Pope Francis, in his exhortation Amoris laetitia, says:
“Dialogue is a privileged and indispensable way of living; but it involves a long and difficult learning process. The way you ask, the way you respond, the tone used, the moment and many other factors can condition communication. It is always necessary to develop some attitudes that make authentic dialogue possible.
Give yourself time, quality time, which consists of listening with patience and attention, until the other has expressed everything he needed. This requires the asceticism of not starting to speak before the appropriate time. Instead of starting to give opinions or advice, make sure you have heard everything the other person needs to say. This involves making an inner silence to listen without noise in the heart or mind: getting rid of yourself in a hurry, putting aside your own needs and urgencies, making space.
Many times one does not need a solution to their problems, but rather to be listened to. He has to feel that his pain, his disappointment, his fear, his anger, his hope, his dream have been perceived.
Develop the habit of giving real importance to others. It is about valuing his person, recognizing that he has the right to exist, to think autonomously and to be happy. You should never downplay the importance of what you say or claim, even if it is necessary to express your own point of view. Everyone has something to contribute, because they look from another point of view. You have to try to put yourself in their place and interpret the depths of their heart.
Mental breadth, so as not to obsessively lock oneself into a few ideas, and flexibility to be able to modify or complete one’s own opinions. The unity to which we must aspire is not uniformity, but rather a unity in diversity, or a reconciled diversity.
Different people meet, respect and value each other, but maintaining diverse nuances and accents that enrich the common good. It is necessary to free oneself from the obligation to be equal. The ability to express what one feels without hurting is important; use a language and a way of speaking that can be more easily accepted or tolerated by the other, even if the content is demanding; raise one’s own claims but without releasing anger as a form of revenge, and avoid moralizing language that only seeks to attack, ironize, blame, hurt.
Have gestures of concern for the other and demonstrations of affection. Love overcomes the worst barriers. It is very important to base one’s security on deep choices, convictions or values, and not on winning an argument or being proven right” (136-140).
ACT
You and I, do we know how to listen? Or are we one of those who talk about everything and offend others? Let us learn the art and virtue of listening, even if we do not always agree; Let’s wait for the moment to give our point of view, but with respect and love.
