I am one of those people who never quite understand when it is offside. Yes, don’t bother trying to explain the theory to me, I know it: a player is offside when his head, torso or legs are, totally or partially, in the opponent’s field at the moment of the pass. But, believe me, it is not something I see easily.
What I do know is that when there is offside, there is no goal. It does not matter if the crowd has applauded it enthusiastically, or if the footballer has celebrated the goal with euphoria: the goal does not exist. Because, even if the ball has touched the net, the correct circumstances did not occur for it to be valid. Therefore, it is null, it never happened.
It is something so simple that everyone understands it in the world of football. However, when we refer to a null ecclesiastical marriage, things change. It doesn’t matter how it was celebrated, it doesn’t matter if the couple has had children, or if they have been together for many years; if the necessary circumstances for the marriage to be valid did not exist, it is like an offside: there was never a marriage.
In case of doubt, in football we turn to the VAR, which reviews the evidence and issues a verdict. In the case of marriage, the VAR would be the Rota Court, in charge of studying the circumstances and determining whether the marriage was valid or not.
Thus we can understand the difference between a null marriage and an ecclesiastical separation, something that is rarely talked about. The Church understands that, in certain circumstances, it is necessary to cease cohabitation. This does not annul the marriage, which remains valid: the spouses are still married, but, given the circumstances, separation is advisable.
Personally, I believe that 60% of the weddings I have attended are null. Although during the ceremony the question “Are you willing to receive children from God and raise them according to the law of Christ and his Church?” is answered affirmatively, in many cases there is no real willingness to comply. I know this because they had previously made clear to me their opinion about families like mine.
And so we come to another key moment: when the bride and groom promise to be faithful in prosperity and adversity, in health and in sickness, to love and respect each other until death do them part. Here we can add another significant percentage of annulments, because many get married willing to break that commitment if they stop being “happy.”
In short, we live surrounded by marital “offsides.” That is why it is so important to help the bride and groom in premarital courses, so that they know the rules of the “game” and can thus score a real goal in their marriage, one that feels like a real victory.
