It is important to stay calm and objective in our relationships to not give too much importance to issues that do not deserve it; we cannot grant “problem status” to small things. How often have we let a misunderstanding ruin a special moment, such as a Friday afternoon or a vacation day? Moments worth forgetting that should have been unforgettable, and that we end up remembering for the wrong reasons.
To prevent small disagreements from becoming bigger problems, there are two fundamental keys:
1. Communicate why certain gestures bother us
We must learn to separate what irritates us from what is a problem. Many times we get angry about unimportant things, such as the way the cushions are placed on the sofa. Maybe you care a lot, but the other person does not. Instead of allowing these small differences to become a source of conflict, explaining why it is important to you is more helpful. This way, the other person can understand your perspective and, over time, you can come to a middle ground.
2. Value the intention over the outcome
We must learn to value the good intentions behind actions, even if the outcome is not what was expected. This can significantly reduce conflicts at home. A clear example is when someone tries to surprise you by making breakfast, but leaves the kitchen a mess. Instead of getting angry, it is important to recognize the effort and loving intention behind it. Material things, such as cleaning, are easily fixed, but the disappointment felt by someone who has tried to do something for you is harder to repair.
Nobody is perfect, value those wonderful intentions, not the outcome.
And when mistakes are made, apologies do not need to be sent by fax. Forgiveness can be asked for in many ways: a sincere word, a small gesture, or simply an action that shows that the mistake is recognized. The important thing is to be willing to accept forgiveness in its simplest form, without the need for drama.
Loving does not mean not making mistakes
In a relationship, mistakes are inevitable. Today you make one, tomorrow your partner does. Loving is not synonymous with not making mistakes, but with knowing how to forgive without reservation those who have unintentionally hurt us.
The iconic, though mistaken, phrase from Love Story: “Loving is not having to say, I’m never sorry” reflects an idealized idea, but far from reality. Love does not make us infallible. On the contrary, the deeper the bond with someone, the more likely we are to make mistakes, sometimes even without realizing it. Love does not exempt us from making mistakes. But precisely because we know how clumsy we can be, we understand that when our loved ones also make mistakes, that does not mean that they love us any less.
To love involves recognizing vulnerability and imperfection, both in ourselves and in others. And, above all, it means being aware that misunderstandings or failures are not indicative of a lack of love, but simply part of human coexistence.
“I have not had to learn to forgive, because the Lord has taught me to love,” Saint Josemaría.
