Any average child between six and seven years old learns that behaviors that occur with high frequency tend to be considered normal and that “normal” is considered acceptable, even desirable.
Eight-year-old children should go to bed early, but if most of the children in their class watch a television series at night if it is a very frequent behavior, then it becomes “normal,” and therefore they believe that it should be acceptable and accepted. Furthermore, the one who breaks with this tendency becomes considered “abnormal.”
In this simple way, the frequency of a behavior becomes a moral criterion: what is frequent is acceptable and what is infrequent may not be.
This childish system of moral qualification: what is frequent is normal and therefore should be accepted and what is infrequent is abnormal and therefore it is not surprising that it is rejected is the mechanism that is being imposed to shape society.
Well, since this is the status quo, then I prefer my children to be Abnormal.
These are the behaviors in which I would like them to be abnormal:
I would like my children to study anything, but only if they are passionate about it. I would not like them to study Business Administration (Business Management) or Law, or any engineering, simply because they do not know what to do. In that case, I would prefer that they NOT STUDY a university degree. My eldest daughter is passionate about something for which there are no university studies, and we are looking for a way for her to develop in that field, even if she has to do it outside of university.
In any case, whether they study or not, I hope that they do not give up on being the best and the effort that it entails (including becoming the best husband or wife, the best father or mother and the best friend).
I would like my children to get married. Out of personal conviction, and much less out of social formality. With papers and everything! For me, it would mean that we have managed to transmit enough confidence in themselves and in the human being so that they understand that love IS for life, since it is NOT simply a feeling, but an act of will. In any case, even if they do not get married and decide to live “without papers” with their boyfriend or girlfriend, I hope to educate them well enough so that they never say that “they are going to try living together before getting married”: that equates marriage with buying a car. “I am going to try it, to see how it works.” (Apart from the fact that it is the second-best predictor of divorce: marriages that have lived together before getting married are more likely to end in divorce than those that have not.)
I would also like that when they face difficulties in their marriage, which they are very likely to encounter, they are able to put their spouse’s needs before their own desires (and that it is mutual, naturally). Furthermore, if necessary, I would like them to be able to put their spouse’s wishes before their own needs. (It’s not that rare – although it is rare – after all, don’t we parents do that, without anyone being surprised)?
I would like them to have as many children as they want. I know it’s very difficult. Studies carried out both nationally and internationally indicate that married couples have between one and three fewer children than we would have liked. The reasons for this gap are often work-related (not financial). I would like them to put themselves above their work.
I would like my children to eat with good manners. They know what I mean. I’m not talking about any stupidly refined behaviour, I’m talking about eating with good manners. It’s seen less and less frequently, so I don’t want to stop aspiring to it.
I wouldn’t like my children to get a tattoo. I have several reasons for this, but the main reason I reject tattoos, particularly now that we have summer so recently and the sight of it in my memory, is because it is obviously a high-frequency behavior. Likewise, I fear that they could be considered normal if they get a tattoo.
I would like my children to wear flip-flops to go to and/or return from the pool and/or the beach, but not to go to the supermarket, shopping or to friends’ houses. For the same reason as tattoos.
I would like my children to always wear a T-shirt when they play sports, even if it is very hot.
I would like my children to go to Mass. Again, out of conviction – well no, more than out of conviction, because they experience it as a personal need.
If I manage to educate them to comply with everything I would like for them, I know that they can (and will) be considered Abnormal, but in light of what this society tries to force us to accept as normal, I prefer it.
And of course I hope to educate them in such a way that they know that just because something is done by “everyone” or even if they are told that such behavior “is normal – and if you don’t accept it, the problem is yours”, they have an organ between their ears that, if they use it properly, should allow them to establish their own criteria and base themselves on more solid parameters than the opinion shared by the majority.
I hope that they understand that the fact that a behavior is more or less frequent is NOT a valid criterion to decide whether it is acceptable or not. That criterion may be valid when you are 6 or 7 years old (and in my house not even at that age), but later, it is childish.
It is common for young people (and not so common, but also for not so young people) to drink alcohol when they go out to party, and it is very common for them to do so in large quantities, but that does not make it acceptable or desirable.
Even legality is not a valid criterion. There are legally accepted but morally reprehensible behaviors (for example, causing an abortion – in no case would I condemn the behavior of the mother, who is the second victim – but rather the “professional” practice) and there are morally wonderful behaviors that are nevertheless illegal (for example, restaurants and supermarkets giving surplus food to charities).
That is to say, I hope that my children grow up to become people who are critical of the behavior of others and very critical of their own behavior.
It is possible that there are those who, while reading this, may think: “Well, what I hope for my children is that they are happy.” They may even have considered that I am a bad father for not wanting them to be happy.
Those who know me know what I think about happiness. Wishing for happiness is like buying a lottery ticket and hoping to win a refund. It’s a small thing. Happiness is, by definition, ephemeral.
Naturally, I wish for my children’s lives to be filled with happy moments, but I aspire to much more for them. I aspire for them to be able to think and decide for themselves and to live with inner peace.
